Saturday, January 27, 2007
TERROR ALERT IN US RAISED TO COOCHY COOCHY COO
A high-ranking Pentagon official confirmed that North Korea has completed and is threatening to employ a new weapon of mass destruction code named: Baby Boomer.An incredible picture of this new weapon, on display during a recent military parade in Pyongyang, has been released by the White House as proof of this technology.
Somehow, the North Koreans have managed to create a race of giant, inflatable babies which are to be deployed in major American cities in the near future. The means of delivery: floating bassinets will cross the Pacific.
The Pentagon spokesperson explained that the North Koreans know that Americans just love cute things such as babies, puppies, lil' smiley face icons and Emmit Smith on Dancing with the Stars.
Once delivery is complete, the communist's plan first phase appears to be the dreaded midnight feeding. "Can you imagine this giant baby waking everyone in New York, Chicago or LA with it's screaming and crying?" The pentagon continued, "The intention is to sow dissension among our citizenry who will inevitably argue about whose turn it is to get up and take care of the bundle of joy. The next day everybody will be groggy and crabby thus making us easier prey to an invasion."
But the real danger lies in what the Pentagon will only call: Operation Poopy Diaper. "When those Pampers have to come off, that is when we will see the real weapon of mass destruction released," declared the military spokesperson. To counteract this attack, the countries factories are being ordered to switch to production of giant aerosol cannons of air freshener and enormous wet wipes. Air drops of baby powder are also planned.
Celebrities also seem to be lining up to support the cause. Buxom ladies such as Pamela Anderson and Dolly Parton are volunteering to do their part to keep the babies well-fed and happy. However, an anonymous source, is concerned that even the enormous contributions from these women will not be enough.
As for North Korea they have issued the following statement: Eh Stupid American capitarist pigs. Prease to take care of these ritter bunders of joy. Are not they cute? And even if you figure out how to caretake of a them when they are smar. They get rarger, become teenaging peoper. If you soovive this, you stirr have to paya for the correge. HAHAHAHAHAHA!(evir raughter here)
Ruv,
Kim-Jong
THE YEAR IN FARK HEADLINES(whatever's left)
10/02/2006 Neighborhood dispute over parking spot ends, as they so often do, with two people stabbed, a car driven into the side of a house and a blood-covered guy jumping off a bridge
10/02/2006 Oil prices decline on... *breaks Magic 8 ball*... reduction of output. Wait, what?
10/03/2006 Immigrant rights group angry employers are firing illegal aliens whose names don't match their fake social security number
10/03/2006 Remember how this was going to be the worst hurricane season of all time, with at least 15 intense storms plunging parts of America back to stone age? This season's forecast has been quietly downgraded to "none"
10/04/2006 Flying Elvis breaks pelvis in Las Vegas skydiving stunt. Remaining Elvi land without damage to pelvi
10/04/2006 Pope supports getting rid of Limbo, in favor of keeping the Twist and undecided on the Watusi
10/09/2006 French countryside being terrorized by mushroom rustlers and their teeny-tiny lassos
10/10/2006 Oil prices drop below $60 a barrel on news that Joe Torre may stay with Yankees
10/10/2006 Drunks in Minneapolis can't catch a cab because transporting alcohol is an affront to Religion of Peace. But then again, what isn’t?
10/11/2006 "Hey, stop testing nuclear weapons or... we'll say stop again" and "Don't make me tell mom," plus other effective strategies employed by the UN
10/15/2006 Missouri is the first state to report average gas prices below $2 per gallon. Californians gladly pay $3 per gallon because they're just happy to not be Missourians
10/16/2006 "The vehicle was deemed suspicious because it had a safe attached to it by a chain and the driver was dragging it through the intersection"
10/17/2006 Happy birthday to the 300,000,000 person in the U.S., born Tuesday at 7:46 a.m.
10/19/2006 Mental health advocates complain about insane asylums, psycho killers being used in Halloween festivities; want people to stick with ghosts and goblins. Ghost, goblin advocacy groups immediately object
10/23/2006 Have you driven a Ford lately? Judging by their 3Q results, probably not
10/23/2006 God officially hates humanity: Elton John to record rap album
10/24/2006 Woman discovers a 35-lb pumpkin growing near the top of her 6-ft tall pine tree. Will have all of the fall holidays wrapped up if she can just get a turkey to land up there
10/30/2006 Scientists discover elephants are able to recognize themselves in mirrors. Lady elephants everywhere heard asking if their ass looks too big
11/01/2006 More government funding is wasted on a topic that any American could have told you for free. Namely, that we're all pretty much sluts
11/01/2006 I feel safer already: Diabetic man goes into coma after airport staff refuses to let him take his insulin on board a flight
11/03/2006 Astronomer proposes cooling Earth by launching trillions of small discs into space to form a vast cloud blocking the sun. Kenny G and Abba CDs solicited
11/03/2006 Oil prices rise on news that someone has pictures of Marcia Cross nekkid
11/03/2006 In latest damning indictment of Bush's handling of the economy, unemployment hits lowest rate in five and a half years
11/04/2006 Seriously, where better to end a naked domestic dispute than at the local Waffle House?
11/04/2006 10 per cent of British men think Chlamydia is the name of a flower and three per cent believe it is a Turkish resort
11/06/2006 The U.S. still won't sign the Kyoto Protocols -- and has done better in reducing emissions than countries that did sign it
11/07/2006 Bored University of Virginia researchers discover that jet-lagged mice live shorter lives. Comes from trying to figure out their frequent flyer program, apparently
11/08/2006 Oil over $59 on American public voting K-Fed out of marriage
11/08/2006 Bee thieves steal thousands of insects in what police call a professional sting
11/14/2006 Reseachers discover that kids can still suffer fatal blows even with protective equipment on during sports. Also advise parents not to take kids outside because a meteorite can fall on them
11/14/2006 Chad declares state of emergency. No word on how Jeremy is doing
11/14/2006 Hamas says it won't recognize Israel. Israel says, "We'll be the ones shooting the rocks out of your hands"
11/15/2006 Poignant moment during Glasgow U2 show: Crowd falls silent while Bono rhythmically claps hands, and announces every time he claps, an African child dies. Until Scotsman in front row roars, "Well stop f***ing doing it then"
11/16/2006 Oil prices fall below $59/barrel on news of Emmitt Smith winning Dancing with the Stars
11/17/2006 Sen. John Edwards speaks out against shopping at Wal-Mart. Wal-Mart reveals that Edward tried to cut in line to buy a PS3 from them. Advantage: Wal-Mart
11/20/2006 Gas from New Orleans to Memphis: $75. New home in Memphis for family displaced by Katrina: $75,000. Having the family sell the home without ever moving in: Priceless
11/20/2006 Music City preps for imminent flood from faulty dam. Other cities shudder at the thought of all that refugee honkytonk and badonkydonk
11/21/2006 Bush: "As the Iraqi army stands up, we'll stand down." Generals in charge of training the Iraqi army: "Steven Hawkings has a better chance of standing up than these guys"
11/21/2006 Only 6 in 10 U.S. babies born in wedlock. The rest born in i-really-like-you-a-whole-lot lock
11/22/2006 Oil rises above $60 after news of the lack of a Britney Spears sex tape
11/24/2006 Swedish moose binges on fermented apples, gets drunk, drowns. I'm sure we can figure out some way to blame Bush
11/27/2006 Suspicious note closes Lincoln Memorial. Police suspect Jefferson Memorial is just trying to get visitors again
11/30/2006 British researcher claims four people were scared to death by fairies. Lance Bass unavailable for comment
11/30/2006 Oil hits two month high on news that Britney has been skanking it up with Paris and Lindsay
12/04/2006 Police arrest Mob underboss "Big Cheese" DiNunzio. No gouda at his Kraft. Wined: "Really blue it this time" vows to sharpen skills, cream rivals
12/05/2006 Having removed all guns and knives from the streets, British police tackle the next dangerous weapon: Cricket balls. You'd think something that small wouldn't be dangerous
12/05/2006 Oil spikes over $63 after news of death of George Clooney's pet pig "Max"
12/08/2006 Geese seen flying in asymetrical 'V', causes oil prices to climb above $63/barrel
12/14/2006 When your three-year-old wets his pants, don't put him and his two-year-old sister in the clothes dryer to dry things up. Jailarity will ensue
12/15/2006 And today's highway spill is brought to you by a hornet, hydrochloric acid, and a bunch of people who learned they can run much faster than they thought
12/15/2006 Oil moves to $63 on news that OPEC deciding that $62 is too cheap
12/20/2006 Louisiana couple can't agree which pet chewed their baby's toes off, the pit bull or the ferret, but submitter suspects the child would be better off living in the wild with either breed
12/23/2006 Target takes away Che apparel from stores when exiled Cubans get upset. Makers of "Hitler the Boardgame" reconsider German release
12/23/2006 Increasing number of Illinois residents seeing armadillos, even among those who did not start drinking at breakfast
12/27/2006 Study on elderly mice shows effects of jet lag are worse than we thought. Mice also complain that there's not enough leg room, the food sucks and wish the baby mouse sitting behind them would STFU
12/27/2006 Turtle fart sets off emergency alarms at aquatic center
12/30/2006 "The Fonz," Kabul's fast-talking king of fix-it men and owner of the only convertible in Afghanistan found dead. Pinky Tuscadero inconsolable
10/02/2006 Oil prices decline on... *breaks Magic 8 ball*... reduction of output. Wait, what?
10/03/2006 Immigrant rights group angry employers are firing illegal aliens whose names don't match their fake social security number
10/03/2006 Remember how this was going to be the worst hurricane season of all time, with at least 15 intense storms plunging parts of America back to stone age? This season's forecast has been quietly downgraded to "none"
10/04/2006 Flying Elvis breaks pelvis in Las Vegas skydiving stunt. Remaining Elvi land without damage to pelvi
10/04/2006 Pope supports getting rid of Limbo, in favor of keeping the Twist and undecided on the Watusi
10/09/2006 French countryside being terrorized by mushroom rustlers and their teeny-tiny lassos
10/10/2006 Oil prices drop below $60 a barrel on news that Joe Torre may stay with Yankees
10/10/2006 Drunks in Minneapolis can't catch a cab because transporting alcohol is an affront to Religion of Peace. But then again, what isn’t?
10/11/2006 "Hey, stop testing nuclear weapons or... we'll say stop again" and "Don't make me tell mom," plus other effective strategies employed by the UN
10/15/2006 Missouri is the first state to report average gas prices below $2 per gallon. Californians gladly pay $3 per gallon because they're just happy to not be Missourians
10/16/2006 "The vehicle was deemed suspicious because it had a safe attached to it by a chain and the driver was dragging it through the intersection"
10/17/2006 Happy birthday to the 300,000,000 person in the U.S., born Tuesday at 7:46 a.m.
10/19/2006 Mental health advocates complain about insane asylums, psycho killers being used in Halloween festivities; want people to stick with ghosts and goblins. Ghost, goblin advocacy groups immediately object
10/23/2006 Have you driven a Ford lately? Judging by their 3Q results, probably not
10/23/2006 God officially hates humanity: Elton John to record rap album
10/24/2006 Woman discovers a 35-lb pumpkin growing near the top of her 6-ft tall pine tree. Will have all of the fall holidays wrapped up if she can just get a turkey to land up there
10/30/2006 Scientists discover elephants are able to recognize themselves in mirrors. Lady elephants everywhere heard asking if their ass looks too big
11/01/2006 More government funding is wasted on a topic that any American could have told you for free. Namely, that we're all pretty much sluts
11/01/2006 I feel safer already: Diabetic man goes into coma after airport staff refuses to let him take his insulin on board a flight
11/03/2006 Astronomer proposes cooling Earth by launching trillions of small discs into space to form a vast cloud blocking the sun. Kenny G and Abba CDs solicited
11/03/2006 Oil prices rise on news that someone has pictures of Marcia Cross nekkid
11/03/2006 In latest damning indictment of Bush's handling of the economy, unemployment hits lowest rate in five and a half years
11/04/2006 Seriously, where better to end a naked domestic dispute than at the local Waffle House?
11/04/2006 10 per cent of British men think Chlamydia is the name of a flower and three per cent believe it is a Turkish resort
11/06/2006 The U.S. still won't sign the Kyoto Protocols -- and has done better in reducing emissions than countries that did sign it
11/07/2006 Bored University of Virginia researchers discover that jet-lagged mice live shorter lives. Comes from trying to figure out their frequent flyer program, apparently
11/08/2006 Oil over $59 on American public voting K-Fed out of marriage
11/08/2006 Bee thieves steal thousands of insects in what police call a professional sting
11/14/2006 Reseachers discover that kids can still suffer fatal blows even with protective equipment on during sports. Also advise parents not to take kids outside because a meteorite can fall on them
11/14/2006 Chad declares state of emergency. No word on how Jeremy is doing
11/14/2006 Hamas says it won't recognize Israel. Israel says, "We'll be the ones shooting the rocks out of your hands"
11/15/2006 Poignant moment during Glasgow U2 show: Crowd falls silent while Bono rhythmically claps hands, and announces every time he claps, an African child dies. Until Scotsman in front row roars, "Well stop f***ing doing it then"
11/16/2006 Oil prices fall below $59/barrel on news of Emmitt Smith winning Dancing with the Stars
11/17/2006 Sen. John Edwards speaks out against shopping at Wal-Mart. Wal-Mart reveals that Edward tried to cut in line to buy a PS3 from them. Advantage: Wal-Mart
11/20/2006 Gas from New Orleans to Memphis: $75. New home in Memphis for family displaced by Katrina: $75,000. Having the family sell the home without ever moving in: Priceless
11/20/2006 Music City preps for imminent flood from faulty dam. Other cities shudder at the thought of all that refugee honkytonk and badonkydonk
11/21/2006 Bush: "As the Iraqi army stands up, we'll stand down." Generals in charge of training the Iraqi army: "Steven Hawkings has a better chance of standing up than these guys"
11/21/2006 Only 6 in 10 U.S. babies born in wedlock. The rest born in i-really-like-you-a-whole-lot lock
11/22/2006 Oil rises above $60 after news of the lack of a Britney Spears sex tape
11/24/2006 Swedish moose binges on fermented apples, gets drunk, drowns. I'm sure we can figure out some way to blame Bush
11/27/2006 Suspicious note closes Lincoln Memorial. Police suspect Jefferson Memorial is just trying to get visitors again
11/30/2006 British researcher claims four people were scared to death by fairies. Lance Bass unavailable for comment
11/30/2006 Oil hits two month high on news that Britney has been skanking it up with Paris and Lindsay
12/04/2006 Police arrest Mob underboss "Big Cheese" DiNunzio. No gouda at his Kraft. Wined: "Really blue it this time" vows to sharpen skills, cream rivals
12/05/2006 Having removed all guns and knives from the streets, British police tackle the next dangerous weapon: Cricket balls. You'd think something that small wouldn't be dangerous
12/05/2006 Oil spikes over $63 after news of death of George Clooney's pet pig "Max"
12/08/2006 Geese seen flying in asymetrical 'V', causes oil prices to climb above $63/barrel
12/14/2006 When your three-year-old wets his pants, don't put him and his two-year-old sister in the clothes dryer to dry things up. Jailarity will ensue
12/15/2006 And today's highway spill is brought to you by a hornet, hydrochloric acid, and a bunch of people who learned they can run much faster than they thought
12/15/2006 Oil moves to $63 on news that OPEC deciding that $62 is too cheap
12/20/2006 Louisiana couple can't agree which pet chewed their baby's toes off, the pit bull or the ferret, but submitter suspects the child would be better off living in the wild with either breed
12/23/2006 Target takes away Che apparel from stores when exiled Cubans get upset. Makers of "Hitler the Boardgame" reconsider German release
12/23/2006 Increasing number of Illinois residents seeing armadillos, even among those who did not start drinking at breakfast
12/27/2006 Study on elderly mice shows effects of jet lag are worse than we thought. Mice also complain that there's not enough leg room, the food sucks and wish the baby mouse sitting behind them would STFU
12/27/2006 Turtle fart sets off emergency alarms at aquatic center
12/30/2006 "The Fonz," Kabul's fast-talking king of fix-it men and owner of the only convertible in Afghanistan found dead. Pinky Tuscadero inconsolable
Wednesday, January 24, 2007
IT WAS A VOTE FOR CHANGE.....UM NOT SO MUCH
According to the somewhat Associated Press, turns out the minimum wage bill was only passed by the House and not the Senate therefore, it is not the law of the land yet. Of course, 3/4 of the American public understand the voting rules for American Idol better than the US Constitution so this may be a shock! Anyway, here are the first few lines of the APee story byline Jim "Croonin" Kuhnhenn:
WASHINGTON - The minimum wage increase that was supposed to zip through Congress veered onto a collision course Wednesday as lawmakers argued over business tax breaks that would be attached to ensure Republican support.
Democratic leaders in the House began laying groundwork to blame the Republicans for any impasse. Senate Democrats, however, cautioned their House colleagues not to jeopardize legislation they'd promised to approve if they gained control of Congress.
House Democrats demanded a clean bill from the Senate — no tax attachment — setting up a confrontation that could delay final congressional passage of the $2.10 an hour increase.
The Senate did vote 54-43 to advance a House-passed measure that would lift the pay floor without any accompanying tax cut. However, that was well short of the 60 votes needed to keep that version moving.
And here is a great quote from Uncle Teddy:
Minimum wage workers are men and women of dignity," Sen. Edward Kennedy, D-Mass., a longtime advocate of raising the wage floor, said. "They do some of the most difficult, backbreaking jobs in our society. They deserve a fair wage that respects the dignity of their work and they shouldn't have to live in poverty."
Backbreaking jobs like making his royal Kennedyness' bed, tending to the royal Kennedy family's landscaping, and of course the most taxing(pun intended) job of all mixing his royal highness Teddy the Bloated's cocktails. Nothing makes me want to toss up my lunch more than listening to a Kennedy wax poetic about po' folk. He got one thing right, minimum wage workers are often men and women of dignity. That's why an undignified SOB such as his royal self should not even be allowed to deign to speak for them.
I wonder if someone like Mary Jo Kopechne made minimum wage before she was left to die in the shallow waters off Chappaquiddick bridge? What about her dignity?
WASHINGTON - The minimum wage increase that was supposed to zip through Congress veered onto a collision course Wednesday as lawmakers argued over business tax breaks that would be attached to ensure Republican support.
Democratic leaders in the House began laying groundwork to blame the Republicans for any impasse. Senate Democrats, however, cautioned their House colleagues not to jeopardize legislation they'd promised to approve if they gained control of Congress.
House Democrats demanded a clean bill from the Senate — no tax attachment — setting up a confrontation that could delay final congressional passage of the $2.10 an hour increase.
The Senate did vote 54-43 to advance a House-passed measure that would lift the pay floor without any accompanying tax cut. However, that was well short of the 60 votes needed to keep that version moving.
And here is a great quote from Uncle Teddy:
Minimum wage workers are men and women of dignity," Sen. Edward Kennedy, D-Mass., a longtime advocate of raising the wage floor, said. "They do some of the most difficult, backbreaking jobs in our society. They deserve a fair wage that respects the dignity of their work and they shouldn't have to live in poverty."
Backbreaking jobs like making his royal Kennedyness' bed, tending to the royal Kennedy family's landscaping, and of course the most taxing(pun intended) job of all mixing his royal highness Teddy the Bloated's cocktails. Nothing makes me want to toss up my lunch more than listening to a Kennedy wax poetic about po' folk. He got one thing right, minimum wage workers are often men and women of dignity. That's why an undignified SOB such as his royal self should not even be allowed to deign to speak for them.
I wonder if someone like Mary Jo Kopechne made minimum wage before she was left to die in the shallow waters off Chappaquiddick bridge? What about her dignity?
Tuesday, January 23, 2007
THE DEVIL IS MERYL STREEP
I cannot stand Meryl "i am the greatest actor evah" Streep. But Hollywood just luuuuvs her. She is nominated undeservedly for yet another Oscar and maybe she'll win it just like she won the Golden Globe. I have not seen the movie but I assume she plays a bitch. I don' think she's acting folks. Was there no one else to nominate?
I see Judi Dench, who is a great actress, is nominated again too. Same category? Don't know but I hope she kicks Streep's.................
Okay, and is it just me but how are these Oscar categories, supposedly a "secret" ballot right?, suddenly looking like a damn Benetton ad or something? Just the right ethnic mix in all the cats huh? Of course, as far as intellectual diversity, I bet nominees with shall we say more conservative views are few and far between. But then there are limits to Hollywood's diversity and tolerance scam aren't there? Certain diverse opinions just aren't tolerated are they?
I see Judi Dench, who is a great actress, is nominated again too. Same category? Don't know but I hope she kicks Streep's.................
Okay, and is it just me but how are these Oscar categories, supposedly a "secret" ballot right?, suddenly looking like a damn Benetton ad or something? Just the right ethnic mix in all the cats huh? Of course, as far as intellectual diversity, I bet nominees with shall we say more conservative views are few and far between. But then there are limits to Hollywood's diversity and tolerance scam aren't there? Certain diverse opinions just aren't tolerated are they?
IS THERE ANYTHING MORE ANNOYING THAN THE STATE OF THE UNION ADDRESS
"My dog Spot can fart on command," intoned President Bush during the SOTU speech last night and all 535 Representatives and Senators leapt to their feet with a thunderous ovation that lasted for 10 minutes. Well that did not really happen but it might as well. Is there anything more phony than watching Nancy, Dick, Harry and Hillary clapping wildly for a man they clearly despise. All the while the Prez blows them kisses from the podium as if he likes them back.
Of course, I'm in a really cynical mood right now and would not be impressed by these expressions of "unity" even if W and the Hildabeast began making out in front of the entire nation. Who would catch what? Film at 11.
I say they lock them all in there together and host a Survivor: Washington DC series. Would Barak turn to cannibalism? What would Teddy do to get some booze into the place? I'm trying to think up something for an interesting Republican Senator to do but then there are NO interesting Republican Senators are there? My money is on Dick Cheney because he has already shot people in the not so distant past. For God's sake let's hope they all remain fully clothed. Don't need to see any filibusters hanging out now do we.
Oh, and for all in the blogosphere including myself who are using the pretentious acronym SOTU for the speech, we all deserve what we get. Two years of torture while about half these inane, unimpressive jerks try to sell us on why they should be the next one to give a SOTU speech.
In the meantime I shall sit here an look at my Reagan calendar and reminisce.
Of course, I'm in a really cynical mood right now and would not be impressed by these expressions of "unity" even if W and the Hildabeast began making out in front of the entire nation. Who would catch what? Film at 11.
I say they lock them all in there together and host a Survivor: Washington DC series. Would Barak turn to cannibalism? What would Teddy do to get some booze into the place? I'm trying to think up something for an interesting Republican Senator to do but then there are NO interesting Republican Senators are there? My money is on Dick Cheney because he has already shot people in the not so distant past. For God's sake let's hope they all remain fully clothed. Don't need to see any filibusters hanging out now do we.
Oh, and for all in the blogosphere including myself who are using the pretentious acronym SOTU for the speech, we all deserve what we get. Two years of torture while about half these inane, unimpressive jerks try to sell us on why they should be the next one to give a SOTU speech.
In the meantime I shall sit here an look at my Reagan calendar and reminisce.
Sunday, January 21, 2007
WHAT COST CELEBRITY?
I had no idea she came with a bar code? I wonder if her pure evil comes as part of the entire package. I'm sure Brad doesn't care because, well let's face it, he looks stoned here doesn't he?
A shawl would have been nice in this case now wouldn't it? icky.
Tuesday, January 16, 2007
34,452
That is the number of civilian deaths which occurred in Iraq in 2006 according to the United Nations. The specificity of the number intrigues me since the UN skeedaddled out of Iraq several years ago after ONE attack against their organization. Yes, ONE is an easy number to tot up unlike 34,452 from a corrupt organization such as the joke that is the United Nations. Where did they come up with this scientific number? Why from the "NEWS" of course. I should watch more Katie Couric then I could come up with my own figure and be just as informed as the United Nations. Of course, I need somebody that I can accept kickbacks and bribes from to come up with such nonsensical "information". Maybe the UN is just ticked that they can't set up a sex trade in children in Iraq because of we meddlesome Americans. Maybe Kofi has some more family members who need to make a buck off the lives of the poor Iraqis?
This is the real topper from the ever fraudulent AP:
The U.N. civilian casualty count for last year was announced in Baghdad by Gianni Magazzeni, the chief of the U.N. Assistance Mission for Iraq in Baghdad. He said 34,452 civilians died — an average of 94 a day — and 36,685 were wounded.
*************
He criticized the government for allowing much of the violence to go unpunished, saying urgent action was needed to re-establish law and order in the country to prevent its slide into all-out civil war.
"Without significant progress in the rule of law, sectarian violence will continue indefinitely and eventually spiral out of control," he warned.
WTF? The United Nations whose crooked deals helped keep dictator Sadaam Hussein in power and then abandoned the country almost immediately after the murderous tyrant was deposed now DARES to lecture Iraq on getting it's act together. THE UN IS DOING NOTHING AT ALL TO HELP!!! I hope that Iraq gives that scum from the UN the finger and the US gives the entire organization a swift kick in the posterior region OUT of this country. Dare to dream!
This is the real topper from the ever fraudulent AP:
The U.N. civilian casualty count for last year was announced in Baghdad by Gianni Magazzeni, the chief of the U.N. Assistance Mission for Iraq in Baghdad. He said 34,452 civilians died — an average of 94 a day — and 36,685 were wounded.
*************
He criticized the government for allowing much of the violence to go unpunished, saying urgent action was needed to re-establish law and order in the country to prevent its slide into all-out civil war.
"Without significant progress in the rule of law, sectarian violence will continue indefinitely and eventually spiral out of control," he warned.
WTF? The United Nations whose crooked deals helped keep dictator Sadaam Hussein in power and then abandoned the country almost immediately after the murderous tyrant was deposed now DARES to lecture Iraq on getting it's act together. THE UN IS DOING NOTHING AT ALL TO HELP!!! I hope that Iraq gives that scum from the UN the finger and the US gives the entire organization a swift kick in the posterior region OUT of this country. Dare to dream!
Sunday, January 14, 2007
THE YEAR IN FARK HEADLINES(AUGUST-SEPTEMBER)
08/01/2006 Many girls in line for STD treatment; each one minds herpes and queues
08/02/2006 Gas prices go up this time because of... wait for it... Tropical Storm Chris
08/03/2006 Minor-league team to host "Britney Spears Baby Safety Night" -- every time the opposing teams drops the ball, fans get free wings from Hooters
08/03/2006 Like so many who came before, tropical storm Chris flubs his shot at the majors and returns to his former, boring life as a cloud that looks kinda like a bunny
08/10/2006 Just in case you thought you had it all figured out, oil prices drop as result of terror plot
08/11/2006 Infamous police chief becomes a druid. Funny, he doesn't look druish
08/12/2006 Paddleboaters startled to discover body in Crystal Lake. Chh chh chh haaa haaa haaa(Urbana IL makes FARK)
08/17/2006 Oil drops below $71 a barrel on Jon Benet Ramsey news
08/17/2006 JonBenet suspect may have ties to an Alabama killing. Also wanted in the JFK assasination, the Limburgh baby kidnapping and for framing a well known cartoon rabbit
08/18/2006 Oil drops below $70 a barrel on news of Haley Joel Osment's DUI
08/20/2006 Price of oil expected to climb to $75 a barrel on news of Busta Rhymes' arrest for assualt
08/23/2006 Remember that hole in the ozone that was gonna grow and grow and scorch us with deadly ultraviolet radiation? Well, it changed its mind
08/24/2006 Bubba the Fish goes belly up. Don't worry Kip, his sole is with cod now
08/28/2006 Jesse Jackson conducts diplomacy with Hamas, hits them up for a few jobs for his kids and some fat diversity seminar contracts for his buddies
08/29/2006 Oil prices drop on news that John Karr didn't kill JonBenet
08/30/2006 Ernesto downgraded to Tropical Depression. EVERYBODY PANIC downgraded to everybody panic
08/30/2006 Oil prices climb over $70 a barrel on news that TO has returned to practice
08/30/2006 Serial killer donates one of his kidneys to brother of an ex-girlfriend. It could be an altruistic gesture, or it could be escape on the installment plan
08/31/2006 Macy's takes over Chicago's Marshall Fields department store, puts up signs inside to endear itself to locals, calls Wabash Avenue a street, Randolph Street an avenue and Washington Street an avenue
08/31/2006 American Heart Association and the Lake County(IL) Heath Department host anti-smoking breakfast event consisting of bacon, ham, eggs, and french toast slathered in fried bananas and powdered sugar
09/01/2006 Soldier who went AWOL to join Cindy Sheehan in TX changes mind, decides that roadside bombs are more tolerable than that nutbag
09/04/2006 Steve Irwin, Australian icon, killed by stingray. Crikey
09/05/2006 Chechnya to be renamed "Nokhchiin" to get rid of past "negative connotations." And no, contrary to recent reports, Nokhchiin does not mean "Chocolate City" in Russian
09/05/2006 Katie Couric ready for prime time debut, eager to report on growing stingray threat. More at 11:00
09/07/2006 Price of oil falls to five-month low on news of Paris Hilton's DUI arrest
09/11/2006 Anna Nicole Smith's son finally succumbs to terminal shame, dies in the Bahamas
09/11/2006 King Taufa'ahau Tupou IV of Tonga has died, apparently of a vowel overdose
09/11/2006 Trent Green injury sends oil prices down to $65 a barrel
09/13/2006 Oil prices fall below $65/barrel due to new pictures of Lindsay Lohan's cooter
09/14/2006 Oil prices rise in response to Meredith Viera's debut on the "Today Show"
09/18/2006 You may ask, "Is there any angle that the media hasn't taken when reporting high gas prices?" In this article about the effect of gas prices on rodeo cowboys, you'll find the answer to be a resounding "yes"
09/18/2006 Willie Nelson cited for drug possesion, still being alive
09/24/2006 Unfortunately, there is no Hallmark card available yet that says, "Sorry I accidentally shot you in the face while teaching you about gun safety"
09/23/2006 New cemetary in part of England that is five-percent Muslim will bury everyone facing Mecca to follow Islamic law, whether they're Muslim or not
09/25/2006 Oil drops below $60 a barrell on news that Da Bears have the best defense in the NFL
09/25/2006 Origin of antibiotic-resistant bacteria has French doctors stumped. "It can't be French because it is capable of resistance," notes one doctor
09/25/2006 Teddy Ruxpin goes on a rampage and kills thousands. "Believed to be the first stuffed bear to cause fatalities at the facility"
09/26/2006 Overcrowding at the Louvre. Just slip out the back, make a new plan, hop on the bus. There must be 50 ways to leave the Louvre
09/29/2006 Al Gore says cigarette smoking causes global warming
08/02/2006 Gas prices go up this time because of... wait for it... Tropical Storm Chris
08/03/2006 Minor-league team to host "Britney Spears Baby Safety Night" -- every time the opposing teams drops the ball, fans get free wings from Hooters
08/03/2006 Like so many who came before, tropical storm Chris flubs his shot at the majors and returns to his former, boring life as a cloud that looks kinda like a bunny
08/10/2006 Just in case you thought you had it all figured out, oil prices drop as result of terror plot
08/11/2006 Infamous police chief becomes a druid. Funny, he doesn't look druish
08/12/2006 Paddleboaters startled to discover body in Crystal Lake. Chh chh chh haaa haaa haaa(Urbana IL makes FARK)
08/17/2006 Oil drops below $71 a barrel on Jon Benet Ramsey news
08/17/2006 JonBenet suspect may have ties to an Alabama killing. Also wanted in the JFK assasination, the Limburgh baby kidnapping and for framing a well known cartoon rabbit
08/18/2006 Oil drops below $70 a barrel on news of Haley Joel Osment's DUI
08/20/2006 Price of oil expected to climb to $75 a barrel on news of Busta Rhymes' arrest for assualt
08/23/2006 Remember that hole in the ozone that was gonna grow and grow and scorch us with deadly ultraviolet radiation? Well, it changed its mind
08/24/2006 Bubba the Fish goes belly up. Don't worry Kip, his sole is with cod now
08/28/2006 Jesse Jackson conducts diplomacy with Hamas, hits them up for a few jobs for his kids and some fat diversity seminar contracts for his buddies
08/29/2006 Oil prices drop on news that John Karr didn't kill JonBenet
08/30/2006 Ernesto downgraded to Tropical Depression. EVERYBODY PANIC downgraded to everybody panic
08/30/2006 Oil prices climb over $70 a barrel on news that TO has returned to practice
08/30/2006 Serial killer donates one of his kidneys to brother of an ex-girlfriend. It could be an altruistic gesture, or it could be escape on the installment plan
08/31/2006 Macy's takes over Chicago's Marshall Fields department store, puts up signs inside to endear itself to locals, calls Wabash Avenue a street, Randolph Street an avenue and Washington Street an avenue
08/31/2006 American Heart Association and the Lake County(IL) Heath Department host anti-smoking breakfast event consisting of bacon, ham, eggs, and french toast slathered in fried bananas and powdered sugar
09/01/2006 Soldier who went AWOL to join Cindy Sheehan in TX changes mind, decides that roadside bombs are more tolerable than that nutbag
09/04/2006 Steve Irwin, Australian icon, killed by stingray. Crikey
09/05/2006 Chechnya to be renamed "Nokhchiin" to get rid of past "negative connotations." And no, contrary to recent reports, Nokhchiin does not mean "Chocolate City" in Russian
09/05/2006 Katie Couric ready for prime time debut, eager to report on growing stingray threat. More at 11:00
09/07/2006 Price of oil falls to five-month low on news of Paris Hilton's DUI arrest
09/11/2006 Anna Nicole Smith's son finally succumbs to terminal shame, dies in the Bahamas
09/11/2006 King Taufa'ahau Tupou IV of Tonga has died, apparently of a vowel overdose
09/11/2006 Trent Green injury sends oil prices down to $65 a barrel
09/13/2006 Oil prices fall below $65/barrel due to new pictures of Lindsay Lohan's cooter
09/14/2006 Oil prices rise in response to Meredith Viera's debut on the "Today Show"
09/18/2006 You may ask, "Is there any angle that the media hasn't taken when reporting high gas prices?" In this article about the effect of gas prices on rodeo cowboys, you'll find the answer to be a resounding "yes"
09/18/2006 Willie Nelson cited for drug possesion, still being alive
09/24/2006 Unfortunately, there is no Hallmark card available yet that says, "Sorry I accidentally shot you in the face while teaching you about gun safety"
09/23/2006 New cemetary in part of England that is five-percent Muslim will bury everyone facing Mecca to follow Islamic law, whether they're Muslim or not
09/25/2006 Oil drops below $60 a barrell on news that Da Bears have the best defense in the NFL
09/25/2006 Origin of antibiotic-resistant bacteria has French doctors stumped. "It can't be French because it is capable of resistance," notes one doctor
09/25/2006 Teddy Ruxpin goes on a rampage and kills thousands. "Believed to be the first stuffed bear to cause fatalities at the facility"
09/26/2006 Overcrowding at the Louvre. Just slip out the back, make a new plan, hop on the bus. There must be 50 ways to leave the Louvre
09/29/2006 Al Gore says cigarette smoking causes global warming
