Sunday, January 14, 2007
THE YEAR IN FARK HEADLINES(AUGUST-SEPTEMBER)
08/01/2006 Many girls in line for STD treatment; each one minds herpes and queues
08/02/2006 Gas prices go up this time because of... wait for it... Tropical Storm Chris
08/03/2006 Minor-league team to host "Britney Spears Baby Safety Night" -- every time the opposing teams drops the ball, fans get free wings from Hooters
08/03/2006 Like so many who came before, tropical storm Chris flubs his shot at the majors and returns to his former, boring life as a cloud that looks kinda like a bunny
08/10/2006 Just in case you thought you had it all figured out, oil prices drop as result of terror plot
08/11/2006 Infamous police chief becomes a druid. Funny, he doesn't look druish
08/12/2006 Paddleboaters startled to discover body in Crystal Lake. Chh chh chh haaa haaa haaa(Urbana IL makes FARK)
08/17/2006 Oil drops below $71 a barrel on Jon Benet Ramsey news
08/17/2006 JonBenet suspect may have ties to an Alabama killing. Also wanted in the JFK assasination, the Limburgh baby kidnapping and for framing a well known cartoon rabbit
08/18/2006 Oil drops below $70 a barrel on news of Haley Joel Osment's DUI
08/20/2006 Price of oil expected to climb to $75 a barrel on news of Busta Rhymes' arrest for assualt
08/23/2006 Remember that hole in the ozone that was gonna grow and grow and scorch us with deadly ultraviolet radiation? Well, it changed its mind
08/24/2006 Bubba the Fish goes belly up. Don't worry Kip, his sole is with cod now
08/28/2006 Jesse Jackson conducts diplomacy with Hamas, hits them up for a few jobs for his kids and some fat diversity seminar contracts for his buddies
08/29/2006 Oil prices drop on news that John Karr didn't kill JonBenet
08/30/2006 Ernesto downgraded to Tropical Depression. EVERYBODY PANIC downgraded to everybody panic
08/30/2006 Oil prices climb over $70 a barrel on news that TO has returned to practice
08/30/2006 Serial killer donates one of his kidneys to brother of an ex-girlfriend. It could be an altruistic gesture, or it could be escape on the installment plan
08/31/2006 Macy's takes over Chicago's Marshall Fields department store, puts up signs inside to endear itself to locals, calls Wabash Avenue a street, Randolph Street an avenue and Washington Street an avenue
08/31/2006 American Heart Association and the Lake County(IL) Heath Department host anti-smoking breakfast event consisting of bacon, ham, eggs, and french toast slathered in fried bananas and powdered sugar
09/01/2006 Soldier who went AWOL to join Cindy Sheehan in TX changes mind, decides that roadside bombs are more tolerable than that nutbag
09/04/2006 Steve Irwin, Australian icon, killed by stingray. Crikey
09/05/2006 Chechnya to be renamed "Nokhchiin" to get rid of past "negative connotations." And no, contrary to recent reports, Nokhchiin does not mean "Chocolate City" in Russian
09/05/2006 Katie Couric ready for prime time debut, eager to report on growing stingray threat. More at 11:00
09/07/2006 Price of oil falls to five-month low on news of Paris Hilton's DUI arrest
09/11/2006 Anna Nicole Smith's son finally succumbs to terminal shame, dies in the Bahamas
09/11/2006 King Taufa'ahau Tupou IV of Tonga has died, apparently of a vowel overdose
09/11/2006 Trent Green injury sends oil prices down to $65 a barrel
09/13/2006 Oil prices fall below $65/barrel due to new pictures of Lindsay Lohan's cooter
09/14/2006 Oil prices rise in response to Meredith Viera's debut on the "Today Show"
09/18/2006 You may ask, "Is there any angle that the media hasn't taken when reporting high gas prices?" In this article about the effect of gas prices on rodeo cowboys, you'll find the answer to be a resounding "yes"
09/18/2006 Willie Nelson cited for drug possesion, still being alive
09/24/2006 Unfortunately, there is no Hallmark card available yet that says, "Sorry I accidentally shot you in the face while teaching you about gun safety"
09/23/2006 New cemetary in part of England that is five-percent Muslim will bury everyone facing Mecca to follow Islamic law, whether they're Muslim or not
09/25/2006 Oil drops below $60 a barrell on news that Da Bears have the best defense in the NFL
09/25/2006 Origin of antibiotic-resistant bacteria has French doctors stumped. "It can't be French because it is capable of resistance," notes one doctor
09/25/2006 Teddy Ruxpin goes on a rampage and kills thousands. "Believed to be the first stuffed bear to cause fatalities at the facility"
09/26/2006 Overcrowding at the Louvre. Just slip out the back, make a new plan, hop on the bus. There must be 50 ways to leave the Louvre
09/29/2006 Al Gore says cigarette smoking causes global warming
08/02/2006 Gas prices go up this time because of... wait for it... Tropical Storm Chris
08/03/2006 Minor-league team to host "Britney Spears Baby Safety Night" -- every time the opposing teams drops the ball, fans get free wings from Hooters
08/03/2006 Like so many who came before, tropical storm Chris flubs his shot at the majors and returns to his former, boring life as a cloud that looks kinda like a bunny
08/10/2006 Just in case you thought you had it all figured out, oil prices drop as result of terror plot
08/11/2006 Infamous police chief becomes a druid. Funny, he doesn't look druish
08/12/2006 Paddleboaters startled to discover body in Crystal Lake. Chh chh chh haaa haaa haaa(Urbana IL makes FARK)
08/17/2006 Oil drops below $71 a barrel on Jon Benet Ramsey news
08/17/2006 JonBenet suspect may have ties to an Alabama killing. Also wanted in the JFK assasination, the Limburgh baby kidnapping and for framing a well known cartoon rabbit
08/18/2006 Oil drops below $70 a barrel on news of Haley Joel Osment's DUI
08/20/2006 Price of oil expected to climb to $75 a barrel on news of Busta Rhymes' arrest for assualt
08/23/2006 Remember that hole in the ozone that was gonna grow and grow and scorch us with deadly ultraviolet radiation? Well, it changed its mind
08/24/2006 Bubba the Fish goes belly up. Don't worry Kip, his sole is with cod now
08/28/2006 Jesse Jackson conducts diplomacy with Hamas, hits them up for a few jobs for his kids and some fat diversity seminar contracts for his buddies
08/29/2006 Oil prices drop on news that John Karr didn't kill JonBenet
08/30/2006 Ernesto downgraded to Tropical Depression. EVERYBODY PANIC downgraded to everybody panic
08/30/2006 Oil prices climb over $70 a barrel on news that TO has returned to practice
08/30/2006 Serial killer donates one of his kidneys to brother of an ex-girlfriend. It could be an altruistic gesture, or it could be escape on the installment plan
08/31/2006 Macy's takes over Chicago's Marshall Fields department store, puts up signs inside to endear itself to locals, calls Wabash Avenue a street, Randolph Street an avenue and Washington Street an avenue
08/31/2006 American Heart Association and the Lake County(IL) Heath Department host anti-smoking breakfast event consisting of bacon, ham, eggs, and french toast slathered in fried bananas and powdered sugar
09/01/2006 Soldier who went AWOL to join Cindy Sheehan in TX changes mind, decides that roadside bombs are more tolerable than that nutbag
09/04/2006 Steve Irwin, Australian icon, killed by stingray. Crikey
09/05/2006 Chechnya to be renamed "Nokhchiin" to get rid of past "negative connotations." And no, contrary to recent reports, Nokhchiin does not mean "Chocolate City" in Russian
09/05/2006 Katie Couric ready for prime time debut, eager to report on growing stingray threat. More at 11:00
09/07/2006 Price of oil falls to five-month low on news of Paris Hilton's DUI arrest
09/11/2006 Anna Nicole Smith's son finally succumbs to terminal shame, dies in the Bahamas
09/11/2006 King Taufa'ahau Tupou IV of Tonga has died, apparently of a vowel overdose
09/11/2006 Trent Green injury sends oil prices down to $65 a barrel
09/13/2006 Oil prices fall below $65/barrel due to new pictures of Lindsay Lohan's cooter
09/14/2006 Oil prices rise in response to Meredith Viera's debut on the "Today Show"
09/18/2006 You may ask, "Is there any angle that the media hasn't taken when reporting high gas prices?" In this article about the effect of gas prices on rodeo cowboys, you'll find the answer to be a resounding "yes"
09/18/2006 Willie Nelson cited for drug possesion, still being alive
09/24/2006 Unfortunately, there is no Hallmark card available yet that says, "Sorry I accidentally shot you in the face while teaching you about gun safety"
09/23/2006 New cemetary in part of England that is five-percent Muslim will bury everyone facing Mecca to follow Islamic law, whether they're Muslim or not
09/25/2006 Oil drops below $60 a barrell on news that Da Bears have the best defense in the NFL
09/25/2006 Origin of antibiotic-resistant bacteria has French doctors stumped. "It can't be French because it is capable of resistance," notes one doctor
09/25/2006 Teddy Ruxpin goes on a rampage and kills thousands. "Believed to be the first stuffed bear to cause fatalities at the facility"
09/26/2006 Overcrowding at the Louvre. Just slip out the back, make a new plan, hop on the bus. There must be 50 ways to leave the Louvre
09/29/2006 Al Gore says cigarette smoking causes global warming
