pick a lil' blog a lil'

I'll always remember a Flip Wilson routine that used to crack me up. I do believe it had something to with Christopher Columbus, Ferdinand and Isabella. Anyway, the big laugh line was Wilson saying repeatedly in his falsetto voice a la Geraldine: We gonna find Ray Charles Always has made me laugh.

And that is just how I picture Harry Reid making the pronouncement the other day. We gonna find Osama Bin Laden. So, going on FIVE years later the dims are suddenly interested in the war on terror? Not exactly, but they are interested in winning an election.

This is from the AP story written by Liz Sidoti that I read on line the other day:
In the position paper to be announced Wednesday, Democrats say they will double the number of special forces and add more spies, which they suggest will increase the chances of finding al-Qaida's elusive leader. They do not set a deadline for when all of the 132,000 American troops now in Iraq should be withdrawn.

Of course the whole premise that if we were to find Osama, living and not dead, all our problems would be solved. We could break out the foam fingers, shout we're number one, and come home. The radical islamofascists would join us hand in hand in a chorus of I'd like to teach the world to sing. Everyone would have a Coke and go their separate ways. Not likely that.

Can you imagine that after Hitler killed himself in World War II we would have said Okay, war's over, last one leaving Europe turn out the lights, we have no more to do here. That would not have turned out very well at all now would it. By the by, we still to this day have troops in Europe and Asia. Imagine!

Also, nothing like announcing to the world you are going to be sending more spies over to, well, spy. Thanks for the heads up on your clandestine operation. Let's hope these new spies don't catch the Osamameister himself say, calling operatives in the US. I'm sure the spy would then have to make a quick trip home to get permission from a US court to listen. By the time he got back, maybe Chicago would be a smoldering ruin but, oh well, we protected Osama and associates civil rights!

Maybe the recently outed of the never in Valerie Plame could teach spy school for these new spooks? You'd have to have a school uniform: shades, head scarf, false mustache and that's just for the women! You could then take courses in how to get your spouse a job, how to manage a hectic social calendar and spying simultaneously, and how to be a leaking leaker of leaks.

Okay so my suggestions may be a tad bit far-fetched but what exactly are the details of this grand plan. Here's more from the story:
The platform also lacks specific details of how Democrats plan to capture bin Laden, the al-Qaida mastermind who has evaded U.S. forces in the more than four years since the Sept. 11, 2001, terrorist attacks.

NO.......SPECIFIC.....DETAILS and that is exactly the grand Dim strategy on every single issue. Bash Bush, tell the American people you can do better but then offer NOTHING in the way of a solution.

Personally, I think they have a strategy but it is "top secret". I believe it involves a house, a tornado, a Kansas farm girl, and some ruby slippers. Hillary Clinton shall fly threw the air over the Middle East on her broom and write out SURRENDER OSAMA. If they can only get Osama to wear a pointed hat and paint his face green, well, then we are in business.

It is about as plausible as anything, which is nothing, that they have put forward.

Oh, I almost forgot........The secret weapon........AND TOTO TOO? oh yes TOTO TOO!

NAP(Not Associated Press)-WASHINGTON DC
The Democratic National Committee and Congressional Democrats were on hand yesterday for a press conference to tout the utter failure of the Bush administration on all fronts and to disparage Republicans in general.

The old press establishment was enjoying the "give and take" of making statements bashing George Bush with the Democratic party establishment when the "disruption" occurred. Helen Thomas, czarina and lordess queen of the White House Press Corps since the Lincoln administration, where she advocated a separate peace with the South, had just finished her soliloquy on how George W Bush was the worst human being in the history of the world. The assembled Democrats were still applauding her statement when the alleged questioner, rumored to be a plant of the FOX news channel, had the temerity to ask "While it is very clear that you hate George Bush and Republicans, what solutions are you offering to the American people to successfully resolve the numerous challenges that face the country today?"

A stunned silence fell upon the press room as the assembled reportage and the Democratic politicians pondered the unusual question. Only the sound of Molly Ivins false teeth clattering to the floor, her mouth agape at the nerve of this person to ask such a question, disrupted the awkward and embarrassing silence. On the stage, Democratic leaders shuffled their feet uncomfortably or averted their eyes skyward. Harry "I can" Reid, Senate minority leader was seen with a Webster's dictionary frantically rifling through pages muttering under his breath S - O - L. Nancy "Bela" Pelosi with what we can only guess was a look of frustration on her permanently frozen, expressionless visage was hysterically signaling Senator Dick "the Pol Pot calling the American troops black" Durbin to do something. Dickless stood with palms upraised and shrugged shoulders mouthing the words "I don't know this word they speak of so - lou - shun? Hillary Clinton left the room.

After what seemed an eternity, Russ "he's so" Feingold, freshly returned from his anti-American tirade tour of the Middle East ran up and grabbed the mike "IMPEACH BUSH" screeched Senator Censure. Thus, the spell was broken as the media representatives leapt from their seats to give their beloved party leaders a thunderous round of applause. "He wewwy sowed dem," an ecstatic but toofwess Mowwy Iwins wemawked enfusiaticawwy.

The "reporter", obviously a right-wing nutbag, evangelical, country-club, anti-worker, conservative, polluting, nazi zealot was last seen being escorted from the room by DNC protocol officers Mr Guido and Mr Knuckles. The press conference broke up when the media, still applauding and cheering realized the Democrats had actually left the building. "Damn," complained American morning pixie Katie Couric, "here I am all flush with excitement and they leave without providing me a photo-op. You know all of America and most of the world loves to see me flush with excitement? Don't they? Well.....DON'T THEY?"

A pale and clearly shaken Hillary Clinton gave a personal interview after the press conference to her public relations staff at CBS, NBS, ABS and the other BS affiliates. "Obviously, the vast right-wing conspiracy is alive and well today. How dare someone ask us how we propose to solve America's problems."

Clinton attempted to give encouragement to her legion of zombified supporters, "We will get to the bottom of this so called question. I have ordered the FBI files on not just the questioner but all Republicans so we can start weeding out these bad seeds before they prevent me from earning my rightful post as dictat..,er, President"

Clinton aide, disgraced CBS news anchor Dan "are those documents real or are you just glad to see me" Rather indicated that Clinton was planning on introducing legislation that would make questioning Democrats about solutions to problems a hate crime. "After all, how hateful is it to ask for solutions from a group of people knowing that don't have any?".

Yes indeed, if the eighties band Night Ranger, who sang the hit song Sister Christian, had only entitled their mega hit Sister Muslim what a different world we might live in. Perhaps a fatwa or whatever would have been issued against all "hair bands". All in all, that might have been a good thing...........just kidding.

Our own state hate crimes commission has it's own Sister Muslim, Sister Claudette Muhammad of the Nation of Islam. Seems many of her fellow hate crime commissioners were none to happy to receive her invitation to hear Louis Farrakhan speak about "Hollywood Jews" promoting "homosexuality and other filth." Yes that did not seem to go down well with the Jewish people or the gay people on the board. Can't imagine why?

This is from the AP story which appeared in the Saturday March 4 edition of the Champaign News-Gazette:

It all started last summer with a routine gubernatorial appointment to a feel-good commisiion so routine that even the governor says he didn't know the details.

How very typical. Rod, the boy wonder(less) governor, once again has no clue to what he is doing. This comes as no surprise to millions of Illinoisans however sadly but not surprisingly he will be able to con enough Illinois voters, fantastically even more clueless then he, into voting for him so he can play Governor another four years.

Even more telling, if this commission is just for feel-good purposes and so utterly routine that the Governor doesn't even know who he is asking to serve on it, then why have it at all? At least they are not paid positions so the Dims in control of Illinois can waste any more of our money. The only cost is to the image of the state. Isn't that just great!

In a follow up press conference, supporters of the Sister told people to either rejoin the fold or just "SHUT UP"! Sister Claudette chimed in "just leave me alone." Thanks for the free speech! Maybe you would be left alone if you did not support such a racist bigot like Louis Farrakhan.

Boy Wonderless perhaps the most clueless of all Illinois politicians continues to defend the appointment of a racist sympathizer by merely claiming igorance for his actions. That seems to be a theme with him that even the dimmest of Dimocrats should recognize.

from www.nwherald.com in Crystal Lake Illinois. This is hilarious!(outside of the drunken driving and child endangerment.....read on) I love ILLINOIS!

ISLAND LAKE – Police say a 49-year-old Island Lake woman wasn't the only one drunk in the car when she drove this week to pick her son up from elementary school.
Her 4-month-old Chihuahua, named Chico, also might have been intoxicated, police said.

"It's definitely not something you see every day," Island Lake Police Chief John Fellmann said.

Diane Marcotte,of 803 Plymouth Lane, has been charged with driving under the influence and two counts of endangering children.

Police say Marcotte had her 3-year-old daughter in the car and was picking up her 10-year-old son on Monday from the Cotton Creek School, 545 Newport Court, Island Lake.
McHenry County Animal Control likely will file animal-cruelty charges against Marcotte, McHenry County prosecutors said Wednesday. If convicted on the drunken-driving and child endangerment charges, she could be fined a maximum $2,500 and be sentenced to one year in jail.

Marcotte drove to the school about 3:40 p.m. Monday, and drove onto the school's sidewalk, Fellmann said.

"She was saying that her dog was having a seizure and that is why she needed to park there," Fellmann said. "But it wasn't having a seizure. It was drunk."

Dr. Edin Mehanovic, animal control administrator, said that animal control officials could not say definitively whether the animal was intoxicated until after blood results are returned. It is suspected that the dog was drunk, Mehanovic said.
After police said they smelled a strong odor of alcohol coming from Marcotte, they conducted field sobriety tests on her, and she failed them, Fellmann said. Marcotte refused to submit to a breathalyzer test, Fellmann said.

"[The officer] could also smell alcohol coming from the dog," Fellmann said. "It seemed to be pretty evident that it was drunk."

Fellmann said the dog also got sick while they were waiting for animal control to arrive at the scene.

"Its equilibrium was gone, and it was acting erratically," said Jerry Rivard, manager of McHenry County Animal Control.

The county took Chico to an emergency veterinarian clinic, and it was acting normal the next day.

Marcotte will be served a notice of impoundment, which she will have to fight to get Chico back, McHenry County Assistant State's Attorney Jamie Rein said.
Marcotte was released after posting $100 bond, Fellmann said. She is expected in court April 17.
they impound the dog but return the kids. is this a great state or what?

from the Chicago Sun Times:
Illinoisans are in rare form this week!

Before cops threw the book at him, Jakub Fik threw something unusual at them -- his penis. (not enough to hurl insults anymore?)

Fik, 33, cut off his own penis during a Northwest Side rampage Wednesday morning. When confronted by police, Fik hurled several knives and his severed organ at the officers, police said. (dick! i mean, DUCK!) Officers stunned him with a Taser and took him into custody.

"We took him out without any serious injury, with the exception of his own," said Chicago Police Sgt. Edward Dolan of the 16th District.

Doctors at Northwestern Memorial Hospital reattached Fik's penis Wednesday, sources said. He was listed in good condition Thursday, according to hospital spokesman Andrew Buchanan, who declined to comment further. (is there anything modern medicine can't do?)
Smashing car windows



Fik, who lives in the 5400 block of W. Berenice, is charged with two counts of aggravated assault and one count of criminal damage to property, said Officer Laura Kubiak. He told paramedics he was distraught over problems with his girlfriend in Poland, Dolan said.

Police arrived on Fik's block at 8:20 a.m. Wednesday after receiving reports he was smashing car windows, Dolan said. Fik then broke into a house down the block. A group of six or seven officers assembled in front of the house, Dolan said.

The occupants were not home, he added.

Fik was bleeding when the officers arrived and may have already cut off his organ, Dolan said. (his piano remained unharmed evidently)

"At that point, this guy came running out, naked, with a handful of knives . . . and started throwing knives at the police officers that were 10, 20, 30 feet away," Dolan said.

Fik threw his penis during the confrontation, too, Dolan said. He then went back into the house and re-emerged with "another handful of knives," Dolan said.

Dolan sneaked to the side of the bungalow's front steps and stunned Fik with the Taser. Fik fought back when officers went to restrain him, Dolan said.

"About 10 feet from the front porch, right on the sidewalk, was his penis," Dolan said.

Dr. Greg Bales, associate professor of urology at the University of Chicago, said severed penises are uncommon but surgery usually works.

"As long as the penis is placed on ice and reattached within a few hours, the success is usually pretty good," Bales said.

Contributing: Annie Sweeney

eherman@suntimes.com

Winthrop Q Thornberry III of Newport, RI received more than he expected when his order of mulch arrived from the local landscaping company. "My gardener came running in the house almost hysterical. I knew something must be seriously amiss because he used the front door."

The gardener, Pablo, who would not divulge his last name due to paperwork "issues" with Uncle Sam, said "Oh, senor, I was unpacking mulch and putting it around the trees, si, and aye carumba, I thought I hear it speak." What the gardener heard was the voices of LeBron Jackson, Loquesha Brown, and two unidentified children.

"I was saying, hey taco breath, get me the hell out of this ****," recalled Brown. "We was tole by Gov Blanco, that we's had to leave the hotel. I said no way you crazy white *****. Then she give us Platinum Visa cards from those boobs at FEMA and she tells us that there be five thousand dollars credit limit. Fo each, of us? I axed. Yes. Well sign me the **** up."

According to Jackson and Brown, they along with the children were then put on a pallet with the Visa cards, a supply of drinking water and some MRE's as a mulch coccoon was built around them. They were given a number to call FEMA upon arriving at their destination which they were lead to believe would be Florida. "**** and here we is in News England. What the **** is up with that." an obviously distraught Jackson railed.

The FEMA contact number they had been given was disconnected. When this reporter tried to contact FEMA, there was no answer. I then went to Washington DC and found FEMA headquarters to be locked up tighter than a drum. I peered in the window and could see literally dozens of bureaucrats seemingly attempting to hide behind their desks. Someone even abruptly turned out the lights. Finally, a frail old woman came to the door and screeched "GO AWAY! We don't want any!" and then added "I'm going to call the police".

Inquiries to the White House regarding those displaced by Katrina were answered by the President himself. "You know after that great hit, Walkin on Sunshine, I don't really know what happened to her or the Waves. It is a terrible tragedy tho because they seemed to be so talented. But as Amuricans, they deserve our respect and our support even if they were only one hit wonders."

Mayor Nagin of New Orleans offered up little information himself regarding the matter. "You see New Orleans is like a chocolate sundae. 'Ceptin we want our new sundae to be without nuts," said Nagin. Inquiries to Kathleen Blanco, Louisiana governor, were met with a burst of tears and the Governor actually throwing herself on the floor of her recently million-dollar refurbished office and wailing, while beating her fists on the floor, "where's the money, where's George Bush, where's my political career?"

Meanwhile, Jackson, Brown and the two as yet unidentified children were living in the pool house at the Thornberry estate. Evidently Mr Thornberry was presented with paperwork he signed when receiving the delivery of mulch that indicated he was to be responsible for all contents within said mulch, including the human portion. "I say, I will really have the attorney look into this. This whole affair has completely put me off my golf game you know. I thought the whole point of being a rich American was so that you would not ever have to deal with other human beings below your social level except in terms of an employer/employee relationship."

The only person seemingly pleased with the whole situation was Cornelia Appleberry Thornberry, of the Memphis Appleberry's, third and much younger wife of Winthrop. "Why I have seen that wonderful Mr Jackson out by the pool without his shirt, and I must say that my first thought was that I should show him that southern hospitality is alive and well here in the North." She then made some sort of reference to fudge ripple and a banana split.

As it turns out, those displaced by the hurricane have been turning up in mulch deliveries all over the country. Including the home of DC "shadow" Senator, the Reverend Jesse Jackson. Jackson ended up with Goober and Bobbi Jo Rubadubadeux and their 13 children when a delivery of mulch was made to his Chicago home. "God must surely have seen fit to punish me with this cracker family". Warned Jackson, "buyer beware is all I have to say."

AND THE OSCAR FOR BEST CELEBRITY COUPLE GOES TO....
Reese Witherspoon and Ryan Phillipe. Good looking. Great actors. Elegant. Stable. These are real stars! Will Smith and wife Jada are another great couple. I think all these actors realize that Hollywood is more about the movie going public and not about their own egos. Sadly, very rare these days. Everybody has a statement to make or a cause to espouse and get so busy doing so they forget the entertainment part of their jobs.

NAOMI WATTS
Evidently did not realize she walked through a spider web on the way to the red carpet. What? Oh, that is her dress and it's supposed to look like that. Oh, I see. I just figured there was an arachnid somewhere that was going to have to start their web over you see...

DR QUINN MEDICINE WOMAN TO ENTERTAIN STARS
By playing all the Oscar nominated songs in the best song category on the world's tiniest guitar. Maybe it's a flask? She could get drunk and use Helena Bonham Carter's cleavage for her cocktail. Then she could set Nicole's head on fire as I so fondly wish. You go Dr Quinn!

MICHELLE "ANNIE OAKELY" WILLIAMS AND AMY "HEFTY BAGS" ADAMS

What are these two doing? Auditioning for the lesbefriends version of Brokeback Mountain? I guess if it is good enough for the guys. Heath is looking on admiringly anyway. Not sure what is up with the fringe on Michelle. A salute to Pocahontas? I would imagine that Amy Adams requires two seats for herself and all that material in her dress. It really does look like garbage bags in this shot. Oh, and Heath may have actually bathed for this event. He certainly can't hold a candle to Jake G. hubba hubba.

SANDY BULLOCK AND KEANU REEVES(ALLEGEDLY)
I really like Sandra Bullock who seems like she might be a somewhat normal person. She looks great in the black/navy? dress and it has pockets!!?? How down to earth is that. I see that she is having her picture taken with Madame Toussaud's wax dummy of Keanu Reeves. Emphasis on dummy.

NICOLD KIDMAN
All hail the ice princess. Pasty Nicole needs to get some Aussie sun. Maybe something that goes on top of the wedding cake. In fact, Nicki needs to EAT some wedding cake. She looks like a candle in that white dress. In fact, I would like to see her head catch on fire. Just what the red carpet needs, a flaming celebrity and I don't mean Elton John.

Brought to you by Dumb.com! My comments in bold.

According to state law, it is illegal to speak English. The officially recognized language is "American".
--darn tootin'. we speak 'Murican here

In Champaign it is illegal to pee in your neighbors mouth.
--um, okay, I think that could probably be made a statewide law.

In Chicago it is against the law to eat in an establishment that is on fire.
--but officer I just wanted to finish my deep dish pizza

In Chiago, it is illegal to give a dog whiskey.
--wine or beer must be okay?

Des Plaines: Wheelbarrows with For-Sale signs may not be chained to trees.
--that really has been a vexing problem here.

Evanston is against trick or treating on Halloween.
--but not at Christmas?

Homer: It is against the law to use a slingshot unless your are a law enforcement officer.
--and that is probably too much firepower for Homer

You may not take a french poodle to an opera in Chicago.
--How about a collie to a cotillion?

In Oblong, Illinois, it's punishable by law to make love while hunting or fishing on your wedding day.
--okay, you just know that everyone in Oblong knows exactly why this law is on the books and who it is about

In Zion, Ill., it is illegal for anyone to give lighted cigars to dogs, cats, and other domesticated animals kept as pets.
--honey, better take the smokes away from the hamster. we'll get him the patch.

It is against the law for a monster to enter the corporate limits of Urbana, Illinois.
--does this mean state rep naomi jakobsson cant return home? actually, this may be one of the better laws in the People's Repbulic of Urbana.

Joliet: Town fathers, reflecting the pet peeve of hearing their town's name mispronounced 'Jolly-ETTE' when all local folk know it's pronounced 'Joe-lee-ETTE', made pronouncing it Jolly-ette a misdemeanor, punishable by a $5 fine.
--i prefer stinky junction to describe the community

Kirkland: Bees are not allowed to fly over the village or through any of Kirkland's streets.
--apiaphobes!

Moline: Ice skating at the Riverside pond during the months of June and August is prohibited.
--i would love to see the folks in the quad cities break out the skates in July tho.

Normal: It is against the law to make faces at dogs.
--well, that is just not, well....um....normal

You may be convicted of a Class 4 felony offense, punishable by up to three years in state prison, for the crime of "eavesdropping" on your own conversation. -720 ILCS 5/14-2.
--okay Sybil!

Dwarf-tossing," the strange practice of hurling dwarfs in padded suits, is outlawed in the bars of Springfield, Ill., because it's dangerous and exploitative. The practice is apparently allowed elsewhere in town, with a special permit.
--like the governor's mansion?

In Manteno, you cannot "throw, drop or place" a used hankie "upon any public way or public place or upon the floor of any convenience or upon the floor of any theater, hall or assembly or public building or upon the surface or any lot or parcel of ground or on the roof on any building or in any light or air shaft, court or areaway."
--wow! somebody have a bad childhood experience with kleenex or something?

Never a dull moment in Illinois politics! We have the last Governor on trial essentially for doing what the current Governor is doing?? And, the current Governor, is basically promising anything and everything to everyone because it is an election year ya know. Of course, we can't pay for it but the Governor is coming up with ever more creative ways(borrowing and cooking the books mainly) to spend the money we don't have. And Downstate, well, we are getting the "royal" treatment. Screwed, Blued and Tatooed. This year's budget negotiations by the way are being moved from the state Capitol in Springfield to Chicago. It is easier to flip the bird to the rest of the state from there I suppose?

Anyways, these are some of the great Illinois political stories this week:

WE DON'T LIKE THE PROPOSAL...........OF COURSE, WE HAVE NOT READ IT
In Tuesday's Champaign News-Gazette:
A bill was introduced that would prohibit Governor Elvis from selling the state's student loan portfolio, currently managed by the non profit Illinois Student Assistance Commission, to for profit loan companies in order to pay for a $90 million dollar tuition tax credit program. Becky Carroll, spokeswoman for the Governor's Office of Management and Budget(hahahahahahaha) said "I haven't yet seen the bill, but I think their proposal would kill a unique opportunity to help working and middle class families make college more affordable." Typical! I don't know what you're talking about but I'm against it. The bill is being proposed by a downstate lawmaker and a Republican so you can pretty much count on this going nowhere.

Not to be outdone, the University of Illinois Student Senate governmental affairs committee chairman chimed in that they had not seen the bill either but he was sure the student senate would support it. What a great future this young man has in politics!!

BOB, I WOULD LIKE TO SEE HEALTHCARE FOR ALL.......
Remember the pat respsone Miss America contestants would give Bob Barker to the all important "final" round question "If you could have anything in the world..." "Bob, I would like to achieve world peace?" Well, the League of Women Voters in Champaign County has chimed in with something similar in a letter to the editor of the Champaign News-Gazette:

While we don't have solutions to our nation's health care problems, it has long been the league's policy that a basic level of quality health care at an affordable cost should be available to all.

Excuse me? You have no solutions? Well then what EXACTLY are you bringing to the discussion then. Increase taxes you say? What about Medicaid and the public health services we are already paying for? Not to mention the charity care routinely given in our medical facilities. The State is now going to provide health care coverage for all da babies in Illinois. Still not enough? If the current system is broke why don't we replace it instead of adding more to it? Oh no, can't do that because too many Libs make a living off promoting public health services, no matter how ineffective and costly, because they "care" so much about all of us.

HAVING SOLVED ALL OTHER PROBLEMS...........
The Illinois State House, following the lead of New York, has voted to make it illegal for sex offenders to operate ice cream trucks in Illinois. I don't know about you but I'll sleep better tonight.

Could you expect anything less? This is from the Milwaukee Journal Star online at www.jsonline.com

Martinifest leaves art museum shaken and stirred
Booking procedures reviewed after wild rental event; 2 artworks being examined
By MARY LOUISE SCHUMACHER
mschumacher@journalsentinel.com
Posted: Feb. 27, 2006
The glistening white Santiago Calatrava addition has made the Milwaukee Art Museum one of the city's classiest social addresses. But a recent martini fete held there turned into an overcrowded, drunken affair. Some unruly guests accosted artworks, which have been taken off display for a checkup.

Advertisement

Martinifest


Quotable
It was crazy. People were shoving people over. People were getting sick, screaming, shouting, messing with the artwork.

- Kathleen Christians,
39, attendee



Photo/David Joles

A hallway at the Milwaukee Art Museum was among the areas open for a party that offered unlimited martinis for $30. The photo is from 2003.

People threw up, passed out, were injured, got into altercations and climbed onto sculptures at Martinifest, a semi- formal event organized by Clear Channel Radio and held at the museum Feb. 11, according to several people who attended or worked at the event.

"Hindsight is 20-20 . . . it was probably too cheap," Kerry Wolfe, a local programming director for Clear Channel, said of the event's premise - unlimited martinis for $30.

"In our five years of experience, we have never had any problems with rental events," David Gordon, the museum's director, said in a brief written statement responding to questions about the event. "It was not an appropriate event to be held in the museum, and we have reviewed our procedures for bookings."

The art museum rents out space during most weekends and many weeknight evenings for events that often include food and drink, as many museums do. When he arrived about five years ago, Gordon liberalized the museum's policies about whom it would and would not rent space to in an attempt to attract a wider array of audiences for the museum. It is more welcoming to the community now than it was under the previous director, Russell Bowman, when the museum often turned away community groups and an event such as Martinifest would have been unthinkable.

Rental income has become important for the museum in its drive to meet operational costs. It represents 6% of annual revenue, according to the museum.

As was the case with prior events, the sculptures lining one of the long gallerias in the museum's Calatrava-designed building were in close proximity to serving areas during Martinifest. But this time, food, drink and vomit were on and around some of the artworks by night's end, according to some accounts.

"It was crazy," said attendee Kathleen Christians, 39. "People were shoving people over. People were getting sick, screaming, shouting, messing with the artwork."

A group of four young men climbed onto "Standing Woman," a tall, bronze sculpture of a goddess-like woman with exaggerated features by early 20th-century American artist Gaston Lachaise.

"They were standing on it, grabbing the boobs, and somebody was just taking pictures with a cell phone," said Laura Collins, 35.

Asked whether artworks had been damaged or are in need of cleaning, the museum said two sculptures had been removed for "review" and more would be known in two weeks, after the senior conservator returns to the museum and has had a look. The sculptures are made from resilient materials such as bronze.

At the event, several vendors ran out of food, drink mix and vodka early on. Some who ran out of mix started pouring straight shots of vodka, according to several accounts.

Restaurants and nightspots that took part in the event, paying $400 each to be included, included Sol Fire, The Knick, Silver Spring House, the Velvet Room, the Wicked Hop and several others.

"We were hoping for a little sophistication, maybe," said Casey Rataczak, 27, a Wicked Hop bartender. "People were shoving their martini glasses in my face and not wanting to talk about the product . . . they were just worked up about getting their booze."

Matthew Wheeler, 32, the beverage manager at The Knick, said the event was "a phenomenal idea" with "poor planning." For an event like that, he said, it is best to hand out drink tickets to limit alcohol intake.

"I have never worked a Summerfest, but it felt like a Summerfest," he said. "It was just non-stop people, people, people."

It might have been the sheer size of the crowd that turned the party into a potentially dangerous and damaging situation.

"We were sardined in," said Collins, a first-time museum visitor. "People, boy, they wanted their martinis."

Tina Zarnoth, 32, said: "It just seemed right off the bat that things were chaotic. There were too many people there . . . people were getting rowdier and rowdier by the hour."

Denise Curran, 34, a lab technician who was injured when someone leaned onto a table that fell onto her legs, said, "You couldn't go anywhere, there was no flow."

"My whole calf is one big, nasty bruise," she added.

In its statement, the museum said it had been "assured by Clear Channel that capacity would be limited to 1,400" and that it "was clear that the assurance was broken."

Clear Channel, a large entertainment corporation that owns six local radio stations, has staged about a half-dozen other events at the museum in the past four years, including one the night before Martinifest. Wolfe said the museum provided information that indicated capacity was 2,175. The museum said it never provided such a number.

The museum and Clear Channel had a preliminary agreement that tickets would be sold for about 1,500, said Wolfe, who called the event "a success" but agreed that it was too crowded. Clear Channel spoke to a woman on the museum's events staff the week before the event and told her what the higher potential number could be, Wolfe said.

"And nothing was ever said" at that time, he added.

A museum statement said there had been ongoing updates from Clear Channel, but a cap had been firmly agreed upon.

The museum's written statement indicated there was no way to determine what the actual attendance was. Vendors said they were expecting from 1,200 to 1,700, based on what Clear Channel had told them. Wolfe said Clear Channel sold 2,010 tickets, and he believed that 1,871 people attended. Only a few tickets were sold at the door, he said.

Clear Channel carried insurance for the event, as required by the written contract between the group and the museum, Wolfe said. Clear Channel has not been contacted by the museum about any damage to artworks but assumed that the insurance would cover whatever damage might have occurred, he added.

Police reported nothing major at the fest, but several attendees described minor injuries and other unpleasantries.

"We had seen this girl who had fallen," said Jamie Zwicky, 29, an emergency room nurse who attended the event. "She had a laceration on her head and some blood coming down . . . she looked very intoxicated."

A man who got into what Wolfe called a "family feud" with another man jumped from an outside terrace on the south side of the museum, several reported. The hospital where the man was taken told Wolfe the man was going to be fine.

Zwicky said that when she left about 11 p.m., four ambulances were outside the museum; Wolfe insisted there were two.

Wolfe said the museum agreed to provide security and cleanup staff and that the staffing was inadequate. Trash cans were overflowing and not emptied, he said.

The museum provided seven guards, including a supervisor, and additional support staff adequate for the planned event, the museum said in a statement. Clear Channel believed there were four guards, Wolfe said.

"I didn't see any museum guards," Collins said.

Zarnoth saw a few guards - removing a drunken young woman.

"Her arms were slung over them and her feet were dragging, basically," Zarnoth said. "I'd say that was pretty passed out."

The "Elusive Signs: Bruce Nauman Works With Light" feature exhibit was open for the first two hours of the event, including the first hour open only to VIP ticket holders who paid a premium, but a member of the museum staff stopped people with food or drink from entering.

The museum does not publicly disclose what it charges for its facilities, but Wolfe said it has always been competitive but substantial. Clear Channel traded significant radio advertising for the Martinifest rental, Wolfe said.

Very few museums allow food and drinks in exhibition and collection areas, though a majority permit entertaining in public spaces, according to a 2004 survey of the American Association of Museums. In spaces that are both public and used for displaying art, as in the Milwaukee museum's gallerias, policies vary greatly and are based on circumstance.

Clear Channel plans to stage another Martinifest in 2007 - in a larger location, Wolfe said.