Sunday, August 14, 2005
VACATION NORTH KOREA!!!(don't feed the humans)
this little tidbit is from the Japan Today website:
SEOUL — CNN founder Ted Turner arrived in the North Korean capital Pyongyang on Saturday, North Korean official media reported.
"Robert Edward Turner, chairman of the Turner Foundation INC. of the United States, and his party ... arrived here," said the Korean Central News Agency, monitored here.
South Korean officials said Turner was visiting the Stalinist state to discuss a project to turn the De-Militarized Zone (DMZ) dividing the two Koreas into a nature reserve.
He will visit an international environmental forum on the project here early next week, they said. (Wire reports)
Um, okay. Just what the Koreans(and the rest of the world) need.............an idiot with perhaps one of the more idiotic ideas I have heard espoused recently. Which is really saying something as ridiculousness is so much in vogue right now. Maybe he'll find his soulmate in North Korea's murderous dictator Kim? I mean only a bunch of far left nutjobs would choose to hold an international conference on the environment in a country that quite likely has the most repressive regime in the entire world. The endangered species in North Korea are the people of this country and they don't need a dang wildlife preserve and they certainly don't need some dim bulb fool and his comrades vomiting up their insane ideas. I wonder how the starving citizens of North Korea would make of the sumptious meals these "eco-conscious" fools are sure to indulge. Disgusting.
Y ASK Y
The 9th Circuit Court of Appeals, in a unanimous decision, has issued yet another controversial ruling. The 9th Circuit Court, or Circus Court as some derisively call it, is perhaps best known for having more of its decisions overturned by the Supreme Court than any other federal circuit court. In a landmark decision, the court today ruled in favor of the plaintiff, the letter Y, who had sued the other vowels(A, E, I, O and U) on grounds of discrimination. The lawsuit stems from the common practice of only considering the letter Y a vowel in certain circumstances as in the phrase A, E, I, O, U sometimes Y.
Writing about the decision, Judge Starship Moonbeam indicated that the intentional exclusion of the letter Y as a vowel in certain cases caused emotional and vocabularic trauma to the letter Y as it left the letter in an awkward stance between it's peers, both vowels and consonants.
Reaction to the decision was immediate in the celebrity "cause" community who had supported the civil rights of Y'ists. Barbara "Not so funny gyrl" Streisand, who had opened her home to "T" parties for the letter "Y", was ecstatic and opined, "the circuit court in yet another ruling against the wishes of the majority chose instead to follow the enlightened Hollywood celebrity views and end this hostile and abusive practice of intentionally excluding Y as a very, valued vowel." "Thank the Higher Power that this court refuses to listen to the ordinary citizenry." Robert "Pinko" Redford, appearing with pal Fidel Castro, hailed the ruling as a victory for the "common man". Redford ignored questions from a reporter when the impertinent scribe asked Redford if he was aware that buddy Fidel had actually jailed and murdered journalists and authors for simply using the letter Y in their works.
Bi-alphabetists have also weighed in for the decision by indicating the court has now sanctioned the Y lifestyle, as both vowel and consonant. I am a Vowel! Say it Loud and Say it Proud! was the chant of the Vowel Rights Campaign Fund members who protested outside the courthouse.
Counter protesters were also on hand represented by the Reverend Consonant O.N. Lee who was angered by the liberal courts flaunting, in his opinion, of morals and values by declaring that "the letter Y is anything but a red-blooded, God-fearing, gun-toting, American consonant and we won't take this decision lying down," screeched the ultra right-wing nutjob while simultaneously spitting, stomping and trying to keep his false teeth from flying out of his mouth.
The bottom line.........no longer may you say A, E, I, O, U and sometimes Y. You must now say A, E, I, O, U and any other consonant that may need to be valued or respected including, but not limited to by any means, the letter Y. Is this a great country or what?
Writing about the decision, Judge Starship Moonbeam indicated that the intentional exclusion of the letter Y as a vowel in certain cases caused emotional and vocabularic trauma to the letter Y as it left the letter in an awkward stance between it's peers, both vowels and consonants.
Reaction to the decision was immediate in the celebrity "cause" community who had supported the civil rights of Y'ists. Barbara "Not so funny gyrl" Streisand, who had opened her home to "T" parties for the letter "Y", was ecstatic and opined, "the circuit court in yet another ruling against the wishes of the majority chose instead to follow the enlightened Hollywood celebrity views and end this hostile and abusive practice of intentionally excluding Y as a very, valued vowel." "Thank the Higher Power that this court refuses to listen to the ordinary citizenry." Robert "Pinko" Redford, appearing with pal Fidel Castro, hailed the ruling as a victory for the "common man". Redford ignored questions from a reporter when the impertinent scribe asked Redford if he was aware that buddy Fidel had actually jailed and murdered journalists and authors for simply using the letter Y in their works.
Bi-alphabetists have also weighed in for the decision by indicating the court has now sanctioned the Y lifestyle, as both vowel and consonant. I am a Vowel! Say it Loud and Say it Proud! was the chant of the Vowel Rights Campaign Fund members who protested outside the courthouse.
Counter protesters were also on hand represented by the Reverend Consonant O.N. Lee who was angered by the liberal courts flaunting, in his opinion, of morals and values by declaring that "the letter Y is anything but a red-blooded, God-fearing, gun-toting, American consonant and we won't take this decision lying down," screeched the ultra right-wing nutjob while simultaneously spitting, stomping and trying to keep his false teeth from flying out of his mouth.
The bottom line.........no longer may you say A, E, I, O, U and sometimes Y. You must now say A, E, I, O, U and any other consonant that may need to be valued or respected including, but not limited to by any means, the letter Y. Is this a great country or what?
CONTEXT............
Have you ever noticed how language takes on a different meaning when you are in a relationship? For example, when you are in love, "I missed you" means that while your other half was away you thought of them constantly and wished that you could be by their side.
On the other hand, after the bitter, horrible break-up the same phrase, "i missed you" means that you have to get the sight on your rifle fixed. English is really all about context I guess.
On the other hand, after the bitter, horrible break-up the same phrase, "i missed you" means that you have to get the sight on your rifle fixed. English is really all about context I guess.
JEN/BRAD/SATAN
Boy meets Girl
Boy gets Girl
Boy and Girl have great hair
Girl loses boy to Angelina Jolie
Boy loses soul
Angelina gets another vial of blood
Girl gets house
All careers flourish
Tale is as old as time...............
HARD OF HERRING
Well now you don't just have the family dog to blame for that odious smell wafting through the air. You can now blame your FISH. A least if it is a herring. According to scientific researchers at the University of British Columbia(hey, they're Canadian, would they lie?) herring use a high pitch frequency sound they emit from their anus to make what one researcher calls, "a high-pitched raspberry sound."
Biologists have long believed that sound emanating from our piscine friends behinds was due to something called the swim bladder. However, it appears that fish not only may be flatulent, but they can actually communicate with their farts. Which may place them higher on the evolutionary scale than, say, primates, in particular humans and even more specifically males, who find gas expulsions a source of amusement and even pride. Herring evidently fart to say "Hallo, Sven hoow er yuu. Haf you haird the noo ABBA CD?" Well maybe not exactly that but they evidently are trying to say something according to modern scientific study.(see www.newscientist.com)
Digestive gases, the source of human gas, are not the cause of these fishy farts apparently. Did they fed the fish broccoli and beans I wonder? Researchers also tested to see if the fish were farting out of fear or to sound an alarm. So, they put a recording of Bjork in the water........just kidding.....the Icelandic chanteuse was not involved but a shark scent was but it did not seem to affect the fish farting behavior.
What is even more amusing is that herring are the only ones that can hear the noise. You have all heard the expression, "a fox smells his own hole". Well, evidently herrings are the only ones who can hear their own farts! No word yet if the herring put their fins to their lips and blow out or if they put one fin underneath the other while making a pumping motion to mimic the sound they can make with their butts. That type of behavioral trait may be solely reserved for the more "advanced" animals.
Finally, these sounds are now beginning to be recorded just like the songs of dolphins and whales. I can't wait to see an ad late one night on television offering the multiple CD set Herring Hits-Top Fifty Farts from the Fjords. Yes, try to go to sleep to that.
So the next time an SBD(silent but deadly) is dropped in a room, look around for the fish bowl. Are they giggling?
Biologists have long believed that sound emanating from our piscine friends behinds was due to something called the swim bladder. However, it appears that fish not only may be flatulent, but they can actually communicate with their farts. Which may place them higher on the evolutionary scale than, say, primates, in particular humans and even more specifically males, who find gas expulsions a source of amusement and even pride. Herring evidently fart to say "Hallo, Sven hoow er yuu. Haf you haird the noo ABBA CD?" Well maybe not exactly that but they evidently are trying to say something according to modern scientific study.(see www.newscientist.com)
Digestive gases, the source of human gas, are not the cause of these fishy farts apparently. Did they fed the fish broccoli and beans I wonder? Researchers also tested to see if the fish were farting out of fear or to sound an alarm. So, they put a recording of Bjork in the water........just kidding.....the Icelandic chanteuse was not involved but a shark scent was but it did not seem to affect the fish farting behavior.
What is even more amusing is that herring are the only ones that can hear the noise. You have all heard the expression, "a fox smells his own hole". Well, evidently herrings are the only ones who can hear their own farts! No word yet if the herring put their fins to their lips and blow out or if they put one fin underneath the other while making a pumping motion to mimic the sound they can make with their butts. That type of behavioral trait may be solely reserved for the more "advanced" animals.
Finally, these sounds are now beginning to be recorded just like the songs of dolphins and whales. I can't wait to see an ad late one night on television offering the multiple CD set Herring Hits-Top Fifty Farts from the Fjords. Yes, try to go to sleep to that.
So the next time an SBD(silent but deadly) is dropped in a room, look around for the fish bowl. Are they giggling?
Monday, August 08, 2005
WORKPLACE TIP: HOW TO AVOID BEING A "SECRET PAL"
"You simply must be in our secret pal drawing this year," gushed a co-worker, "you just have to." Um, no I most definitely do not. I guess I would not mind it so much if I did not work with several chronological adults who became socially and developmentally delayed at the grade school level. Besides, many of the people participating in these gift fests do so out of some pathological need for recognition or a sadistic desire to look down upon the largesse they receive from strangers.
Let's discuss some types of gift exchangers shall we:
The OVER GIVER
Gives gifts on Grounhogs Day and Flag Day and St Philomena's day. Usually they cannot keep their "altruism" a secret for the entire year. May either have a nervous breakdown before the year is up or try to kill you if you don't show the appropriate amount of respect for their surplus of giving.
The WHY DID I GET HER/HIS NAME GIVER
Draws someone's name they don't like, and the list for this person of "don't likes" is usually very long. May pretend to forget about the whole secret pal concept in the first place or contend their name was maliciously inserted into the hat without their knowledge. Or, enjoys getting lame crap for people they don't care for just for kicks.(and not just to get out of giving gifts entirely, they actually enjoy this)
The LATE GIVEROften forgets holidays and your birthday gift may be several months late. You may never find out at the end of the year who the person is and that might be just as well. Still, they LOVES to participate!
The UNAPPRECIATIVE RECEIVER
This person disdains any gift. They could receive gold bullion or stock in Microsoft as their gift and they will find some reason to find fault or not be happy. The combination between this person and the over giver makes for tons of office drama!
The DE JA GIVERAs in deja vu, the gifts you would be getting this year look strangely like the gifts they got from their secret pal last year. It is really bad if you get greeting cards that have white out on them.....
The GUILT TRIP GIVERFinancially strapped, they foolishly signed up for this thing and complain constantly about how much this "costs". They like for the person who is their secret pal to know that their kids are going hungry so they could get them Valentine chocolates.
If you are ever forced into one of these things, here are some sure-fire gifts that will keep anyone in the office from ever asking you to participate again:
1) Compost. Seeds. Clay pot.
You can claim environmental consciousness and who can argue with that. Give them seeds to a marijuana plant and then call the cops a few months later. No more gifts for the rest of the year, maybe ever if this is not their first offense!
2) Homemade stuff
Knit them a sweater. Make them some potholders(see number one!) Make it loud and make it poorly. Practice the guilt trip giver routine. You won't hear a peep out of 'em.
3) Chia pet. For EVERY holiday, be an overgifter. CH-CH-CH CHIA!
4) Coupons. You can get some cheap fancy paper and paste the coupons on them to "doll" them up a little. So give that middle aged white woman a coupon to Sistah Curl and see if she will actually go. Tatoo parlors and bars are also good ideas.
5) IOU's. Nothing says I don't want to do this like an I O U.
6) Knockoff Music. Find out what music they like and get the cheap knock off CD's without the original artist performing the music. Act like you don't know any better(which is very similar to acting like you don't care....Which you don't)
7) Personal hygiene items. Keep it above the belt sunshine or you'll have a harassment suit staring you in the face. Nothing says Merry Christmas like a green bottle of Scope with a red ribbon.
8) Funky candy. Don't get your holiday M&M's or Hershey's kisses. Get some funky brand, foreign if possible, and act like it is some big deal. It may taste like crap but, hey, it's imported
9) Books. First, how many of your co-workers like to read, how many CAN read? On the off-chance they are literate, get some boring text like the HISTORY OF THE ACORN or some other such nonsense. Give them a "first run" copy of your autobiography....
10) Pictures/Artwork. Tell them it is a collectors item, and hell, it may be from your fourth grader's art class. Take pics of them at work and put them into a collage. Here you are with the stapler. Here you are at the copier. Here you are asleep at your desk and drooling on the supe's memo...Take pictures of them at home and you'll get your butt fired, stalker.
Of course, you can always, JUST SAY NO, and make Nancy Reagan and I proud.
Let's discuss some types of gift exchangers shall we:
The OVER GIVER
Gives gifts on Grounhogs Day and Flag Day and St Philomena's day. Usually they cannot keep their "altruism" a secret for the entire year. May either have a nervous breakdown before the year is up or try to kill you if you don't show the appropriate amount of respect for their surplus of giving.
The WHY DID I GET HER/HIS NAME GIVER
Draws someone's name they don't like, and the list for this person of "don't likes" is usually very long. May pretend to forget about the whole secret pal concept in the first place or contend their name was maliciously inserted into the hat without their knowledge. Or, enjoys getting lame crap for people they don't care for just for kicks.(and not just to get out of giving gifts entirely, they actually enjoy this)
The LATE GIVEROften forgets holidays and your birthday gift may be several months late. You may never find out at the end of the year who the person is and that might be just as well. Still, they LOVES to participate!
The UNAPPRECIATIVE RECEIVER
This person disdains any gift. They could receive gold bullion or stock in Microsoft as their gift and they will find some reason to find fault or not be happy. The combination between this person and the over giver makes for tons of office drama!
The DE JA GIVERAs in deja vu, the gifts you would be getting this year look strangely like the gifts they got from their secret pal last year. It is really bad if you get greeting cards that have white out on them.....
The GUILT TRIP GIVERFinancially strapped, they foolishly signed up for this thing and complain constantly about how much this "costs". They like for the person who is their secret pal to know that their kids are going hungry so they could get them Valentine chocolates.
If you are ever forced into one of these things, here are some sure-fire gifts that will keep anyone in the office from ever asking you to participate again:
1) Compost. Seeds. Clay pot.
You can claim environmental consciousness and who can argue with that. Give them seeds to a marijuana plant and then call the cops a few months later. No more gifts for the rest of the year, maybe ever if this is not their first offense!
2) Homemade stuff
Knit them a sweater. Make them some potholders(see number one!) Make it loud and make it poorly. Practice the guilt trip giver routine. You won't hear a peep out of 'em.
3) Chia pet. For EVERY holiday, be an overgifter. CH-CH-CH CHIA!
4) Coupons. You can get some cheap fancy paper and paste the coupons on them to "doll" them up a little. So give that middle aged white woman a coupon to Sistah Curl and see if she will actually go. Tatoo parlors and bars are also good ideas.
5) IOU's. Nothing says I don't want to do this like an I O U.
6) Knockoff Music. Find out what music they like and get the cheap knock off CD's without the original artist performing the music. Act like you don't know any better(which is very similar to acting like you don't care....Which you don't)
7) Personal hygiene items. Keep it above the belt sunshine or you'll have a harassment suit staring you in the face. Nothing says Merry Christmas like a green bottle of Scope with a red ribbon.
8) Funky candy. Don't get your holiday M&M's or Hershey's kisses. Get some funky brand, foreign if possible, and act like it is some big deal. It may taste like crap but, hey, it's imported
9) Books. First, how many of your co-workers like to read, how many CAN read? On the off-chance they are literate, get some boring text like the HISTORY OF THE ACORN or some other such nonsense. Give them a "first run" copy of your autobiography....
10) Pictures/Artwork. Tell them it is a collectors item, and hell, it may be from your fourth grader's art class. Take pics of them at work and put them into a collage. Here you are with the stapler. Here you are at the copier. Here you are asleep at your desk and drooling on the supe's memo...Take pictures of them at home and you'll get your butt fired, stalker.
Of course, you can always, JUST SAY NO, and make Nancy Reagan and I proud.
SISTER(CITIES) ARE DOIN' IT FOR THEMSELVES!!
Well, Arthur Nebraska is not really a sister city to Arthur, Illinois but I had always had this wild hair to visit a town with the same name as my town. Yes, I know I truly live on the edge don't I? Heck, Arthur NE was the county seat of Arthur County, now I was truly excited about that. Now, Arthur Illinois is a booming metropolis compared to her Nebraska counterpart. We have a population of 2,300, the whole county in Nebraska is only 645 folks.
However, just like my hometown, the people were just as friendly and polite as you would expect Midwesterners to be. And duly proud of their "county seat"! We stopped at the post office, zip 69121 compared to our 61911, and were immediately hooked up with the village's official tour guide, Mr John Valentine. Now Mr Valentine was usually the 2nd person to be called when visitors came but apparently the former #1 tour guide had up and died several months before.
And we got the grand tour! An old lodge where Buffalo Bill used to stay, a church and houses made out of hay bales, the old courthouse which at one time was listed as the smallest county courthouse in the world, along with a very tiny jail. Of course, we got the history of the town given to us as we went along. Very interesting and a pleasant way to spend an afternoon.
So many city folk turn up their noses at we small town residents. Why there's nothing there they exclaim. Well, they just don't know where to look and very few have the patience to listen either. Having lived in the city for 12 years after college, it always cracked me up to listen to people talk about wanting more space, cleaner air, better schools, safer neighborhoods and a slower pace for their lives. Sadly, most of these people could not find it fathomable to live outside of a 30 mile radius from a Starbucks. And in today's internet age, we have it all in our small towns. Well, maybe not all, but pretty darn close. Besides, you can always visit the city.
Another thing the two Arthurs have in common were the surroundings. Green being the operative word Arthur NE is surrounded by ranches spread across rolling green, grassy prairie. Arthur IL is surrounded by wonderful flat stretches of verdant green fields that literally feed the world. Lots of pride in both towns and for good reason.
What is there to do my urban "hick" friends ask me? Well, right now, I'm going to go out on my deck in my back yard and look up at the stars and listen to the crickets, you do remember what those are right? And I am going to enjoy my space, breathe my clean air, enjoy my safe neighborhood, and relax. Oh, and I'm going to thank God that we don't have a Starbucks.
Here's to the millions of us small town residents who have figured out what the good life is!!
However, just like my hometown, the people were just as friendly and polite as you would expect Midwesterners to be. And duly proud of their "county seat"! We stopped at the post office, zip 69121 compared to our 61911, and were immediately hooked up with the village's official tour guide, Mr John Valentine. Now Mr Valentine was usually the 2nd person to be called when visitors came but apparently the former #1 tour guide had up and died several months before.
And we got the grand tour! An old lodge where Buffalo Bill used to stay, a church and houses made out of hay bales, the old courthouse which at one time was listed as the smallest county courthouse in the world, along with a very tiny jail. Of course, we got the history of the town given to us as we went along. Very interesting and a pleasant way to spend an afternoon.
So many city folk turn up their noses at we small town residents. Why there's nothing there they exclaim. Well, they just don't know where to look and very few have the patience to listen either. Having lived in the city for 12 years after college, it always cracked me up to listen to people talk about wanting more space, cleaner air, better schools, safer neighborhoods and a slower pace for their lives. Sadly, most of these people could not find it fathomable to live outside of a 30 mile radius from a Starbucks. And in today's internet age, we have it all in our small towns. Well, maybe not all, but pretty darn close. Besides, you can always visit the city.
Another thing the two Arthurs have in common were the surroundings. Green being the operative word Arthur NE is surrounded by ranches spread across rolling green, grassy prairie. Arthur IL is surrounded by wonderful flat stretches of verdant green fields that literally feed the world. Lots of pride in both towns and for good reason.
What is there to do my urban "hick" friends ask me? Well, right now, I'm going to go out on my deck in my back yard and look up at the stars and listen to the crickets, you do remember what those are right? And I am going to enjoy my space, breathe my clean air, enjoy my safe neighborhood, and relax. Oh, and I'm going to thank God that we don't have a Starbucks.
Here's to the millions of us small town residents who have figured out what the good life is!!
HELLO GOD, IS THIS YOUR GARDEN?
The party of the Gods, Hera(mom), Athena(marty), and Apollo(sleep walking bear) got an early start on Wednesday to tour Colorado Springs. We went by the US Olympic training center and we really did just go "by" because they were working out front. They had this really cool statue that we thought we would get a picture of up close but the security guard, evidently not recognizing Gods when he sees them, told us to basically turn around and get out of there. I think he might have been related to Wicked Wanda of Wal-Mart in Goodland Kansas?
We then went on to the Broadmoor to take a picture of the famous hotel and ice rink, which like the USOC place, was under some sort of renovation. Our tax dollars are hard at work anyway fixing any and all types of government facilities. As Gods, we decided not to strike any one down because of this but to head to the Garden which bore our names.
A truly beautiful visitors center had been built with a huge platform for admiring the sites, picking up your paintbrush, and taking pictures. Of course, there was a gift shop too but we Gods love to see the capitalist system flourishing. They also had many informative displays about the history of the area, the indigenous population, and the wildlife of the area. A great addition to such a natural scenic locale that totally was unobtrusive to the local landscape.
We then drove through the magnificent "garden" and the only thing we really missed was cousin Herman playing tour guide. We also decided while beautiful, we really enjoyed the flat prairies of home more. Still, a very worthwhile natural wonder that is breath-taking. And, best of all, it is FREE!! Which we were quickly discovering on our trip that the least expensive sojourns were ultimately turning out to be the best!
Out of the Garden of the Gods and back into human reality however "reality" might not be the best word to describe Manitou Springs, our next stop. Manitou Springs is a granola eating, earthy-crunchy, artsy-fartsy, left-wing, Kerry-voting, socks and sandals wearing home of a very large collection of eccentrics, some might say freaks but that would not be politically correct. Starving artists, hardly. The homes were fantastic and the businesses stocked with pricey items that these Gods could not afford even if we had wanted to make a purchase.
Of course, in today's society, weirdness pays! Evidently in a big way! Although, this God is still a bit confused about how one dressing as if it were Halloween 24/7, 365 days of the year somehow made you a better artist than, say, someone, um, let's see, normal. But why be normal? Of course, I could list a thousand reasons. I'm also amused by these colonies of non-conformists who gather together in essence to form a conforming community of non-conformists. And I'm sorry, if you pierce "that" and put it on display, well, don't expect everyone to be thrilled. In any case, I was seriously wishing that I had my own car with my Bush/Cheney '04 bumper sticker. Now whose the rebel baby!
To each his own and we were off to Ogalala Nebraska. Which definitely wins the prize for the most fun name to pronounce on our trip.(Keokuk Iowa second, Nauvoo Illinois third) We did not always take the interstate and that had not presented a problem taking state highways and such..........until Northeastern Colorado. Little did we know that Road Construction Ahead on Colorado 71 North meant that the entire road was, well, GONE! All we needed to do was put a freakin' tarp over the top of the car and it was back to pioneer days in the Conestoga wagon. YEE HA! I would not have been surprised if a bunch of Indians had appeared on the horizon and we were ordered by the road crew to circle the vehicles. Of course, the Indians if they were watching were probably laughing their beads off at the stupid white man driving down a red dirt road in a cloud of dust so thick you could barely see. The Gods, especially this one who was driving, were ready to smite everybody in sight!
We finally made it to our motel in Ogalala NE and we even had time to go to the Goodall library for our internet fix. A very nice library that recently won some kind of federal grant money, again our tax dollars hard at work. I had Hera and Athena believing that Jane Goodall, the anthropologist was actually from here and that the library was named for her. Well, I thought it was funny anyway but, alas, completely untrue. Our next stop was Boot Hill and I think my fellow travelers were ready to add me to the dearly departed on the hilltop.
The Gods conjured up a major thunderstorm for us that night. All in all, a very good day, with many emotions, and a bang up way to finish it off, fit for the Gods alright!
We then went on to the Broadmoor to take a picture of the famous hotel and ice rink, which like the USOC place, was under some sort of renovation. Our tax dollars are hard at work anyway fixing any and all types of government facilities. As Gods, we decided not to strike any one down because of this but to head to the Garden which bore our names.
A truly beautiful visitors center had been built with a huge platform for admiring the sites, picking up your paintbrush, and taking pictures. Of course, there was a gift shop too but we Gods love to see the capitalist system flourishing. They also had many informative displays about the history of the area, the indigenous population, and the wildlife of the area. A great addition to such a natural scenic locale that totally was unobtrusive to the local landscape.
We then drove through the magnificent "garden" and the only thing we really missed was cousin Herman playing tour guide. We also decided while beautiful, we really enjoyed the flat prairies of home more. Still, a very worthwhile natural wonder that is breath-taking. And, best of all, it is FREE!! Which we were quickly discovering on our trip that the least expensive sojourns were ultimately turning out to be the best!
Out of the Garden of the Gods and back into human reality however "reality" might not be the best word to describe Manitou Springs, our next stop. Manitou Springs is a granola eating, earthy-crunchy, artsy-fartsy, left-wing, Kerry-voting, socks and sandals wearing home of a very large collection of eccentrics, some might say freaks but that would not be politically correct. Starving artists, hardly. The homes were fantastic and the businesses stocked with pricey items that these Gods could not afford even if we had wanted to make a purchase.
Of course, in today's society, weirdness pays! Evidently in a big way! Although, this God is still a bit confused about how one dressing as if it were Halloween 24/7, 365 days of the year somehow made you a better artist than, say, someone, um, let's see, normal. But why be normal? Of course, I could list a thousand reasons. I'm also amused by these colonies of non-conformists who gather together in essence to form a conforming community of non-conformists. And I'm sorry, if you pierce "that" and put it on display, well, don't expect everyone to be thrilled. In any case, I was seriously wishing that I had my own car with my Bush/Cheney '04 bumper sticker. Now whose the rebel baby!
To each his own and we were off to Ogalala Nebraska. Which definitely wins the prize for the most fun name to pronounce on our trip.(Keokuk Iowa second, Nauvoo Illinois third) We did not always take the interstate and that had not presented a problem taking state highways and such..........until Northeastern Colorado. Little did we know that Road Construction Ahead on Colorado 71 North meant that the entire road was, well, GONE! All we needed to do was put a freakin' tarp over the top of the car and it was back to pioneer days in the Conestoga wagon. YEE HA! I would not have been surprised if a bunch of Indians had appeared on the horizon and we were ordered by the road crew to circle the vehicles. Of course, the Indians if they were watching were probably laughing their beads off at the stupid white man driving down a red dirt road in a cloud of dust so thick you could barely see. The Gods, especially this one who was driving, were ready to smite everybody in sight!
We finally made it to our motel in Ogalala NE and we even had time to go to the Goodall library for our internet fix. A very nice library that recently won some kind of federal grant money, again our tax dollars hard at work. I had Hera and Athena believing that Jane Goodall, the anthropologist was actually from here and that the library was named for her. Well, I thought it was funny anyway but, alas, completely untrue. Our next stop was Boot Hill and I think my fellow travelers were ready to add me to the dearly departed on the hilltop.
The Gods conjured up a major thunderstorm for us that night. All in all, a very good day, with many emotions, and a bang up way to finish it off, fit for the Gods alright!
Tuesday, August 02, 2005
HAVE YOU SEEN MY ASH LATELY?
This summer has been one of the hottest in recent memory, we have had almost 30 days over 90 degrees. But is that snow you are seeing in my yard? It sure looks like it. Of course, it being this hot, there has to be another culprit for the carpet of white around the garage.
Apparently, we have planted a mountain ash. Now, I'm sure we did this somewhere along the line thinking we were going to get something else. A money tree perhaps. It probably came from the Arbor Day foundation or some such place. Trees don't, after all, sneak into your yard in the middle of the night, plant themselves and then sit there whistling the next morning while you walk around trying to figure out how it got there.
Now a google search pulls up site after site extolling the beauty of this particular shrub or tree. This isn't a shrub and it seems that we have been "blessed" with a tree that has grown to the maximum height for it's species. It is quite pretty except those little white flowers are everywhere! In the cars, in the house, in the dog's hair, in my hair and, no kidding, I opened my wallet the other day and there were some in there. I think the tree is trying to steal my money and go out for a night on the town for a little pollination or photosynthesis or whatever trees do for kicks.
I have also been informed by a local plant expert to expect the tree to be beautiful in the fall when it will produce orange and blue berries. The websites say that these are a particular favorite of birds. Now, I think all of you reading this are familiar with the "circle of life" and, after the birds eat the pretty little berries you can pretty much imagine how "colorful" the end product of their efforts will be. My new white house should be a perfect background for this orange and blue impressionist work. We do love our Illini and the Bears but this is taking things a little too far.
Now the tree has been in our yard for several years and has never put on such a performance such as it is doing now. I suppose it has reached puberty and the hormones are raging. Next thing you know, the tree will be drinking, listening to heavy metal, breaking curfew and wanting to borrow the car. I'll have to have the sex talk with my 30 foot child. Do you think Dr Spock wrote a book about this? Somehow, I think not.
So come by and see my beautiful tree. We can sit on the deck and pretend it is January and talk about our plants when they were sweet, innocent and not nearly so annoying. And if you see a bird overhead this fall, don't look up just shout GO ILLINI and try to your best not to be an easy target.
Apparently, we have planted a mountain ash. Now, I'm sure we did this somewhere along the line thinking we were going to get something else. A money tree perhaps. It probably came from the Arbor Day foundation or some such place. Trees don't, after all, sneak into your yard in the middle of the night, plant themselves and then sit there whistling the next morning while you walk around trying to figure out how it got there.
Now a google search pulls up site after site extolling the beauty of this particular shrub or tree. This isn't a shrub and it seems that we have been "blessed" with a tree that has grown to the maximum height for it's species. It is quite pretty except those little white flowers are everywhere! In the cars, in the house, in the dog's hair, in my hair and, no kidding, I opened my wallet the other day and there were some in there. I think the tree is trying to steal my money and go out for a night on the town for a little pollination or photosynthesis or whatever trees do for kicks.
I have also been informed by a local plant expert to expect the tree to be beautiful in the fall when it will produce orange and blue berries. The websites say that these are a particular favorite of birds. Now, I think all of you reading this are familiar with the "circle of life" and, after the birds eat the pretty little berries you can pretty much imagine how "colorful" the end product of their efforts will be. My new white house should be a perfect background for this orange and blue impressionist work. We do love our Illini and the Bears but this is taking things a little too far.
Now the tree has been in our yard for several years and has never put on such a performance such as it is doing now. I suppose it has reached puberty and the hormones are raging. Next thing you know, the tree will be drinking, listening to heavy metal, breaking curfew and wanting to borrow the car. I'll have to have the sex talk with my 30 foot child. Do you think Dr Spock wrote a book about this? Somehow, I think not.
So come by and see my beautiful tree. We can sit on the deck and pretend it is January and talk about our plants when they were sweet, innocent and not nearly so annoying. And if you see a bird overhead this fall, don't look up just shout GO ILLINI and try to your best not to be an easy target.
