Sunday, August 14, 2005
Y ASK Y
The 9th Circuit Court of Appeals, in a unanimous decision, has issued yet another controversial ruling. The 9th Circuit Court, or Circus Court as some derisively call it, is perhaps best known for having more of its decisions overturned by the Supreme Court than any other federal circuit court. In a landmark decision, the court today ruled in favor of the plaintiff, the letter Y, who had sued the other vowels(A, E, I, O and U) on grounds of discrimination. The lawsuit stems from the common practice of only considering the letter Y a vowel in certain circumstances as in the phrase A, E, I, O, U sometimes Y.
Writing about the decision, Judge Starship Moonbeam indicated that the intentional exclusion of the letter Y as a vowel in certain cases caused emotional and vocabularic trauma to the letter Y as it left the letter in an awkward stance between it's peers, both vowels and consonants.
Reaction to the decision was immediate in the celebrity "cause" community who had supported the civil rights of Y'ists. Barbara "Not so funny gyrl" Streisand, who had opened her home to "T" parties for the letter "Y", was ecstatic and opined, "the circuit court in yet another ruling against the wishes of the majority chose instead to follow the enlightened Hollywood celebrity views and end this hostile and abusive practice of intentionally excluding Y as a very, valued vowel." "Thank the Higher Power that this court refuses to listen to the ordinary citizenry." Robert "Pinko" Redford, appearing with pal Fidel Castro, hailed the ruling as a victory for the "common man". Redford ignored questions from a reporter when the impertinent scribe asked Redford if he was aware that buddy Fidel had actually jailed and murdered journalists and authors for simply using the letter Y in their works.
Bi-alphabetists have also weighed in for the decision by indicating the court has now sanctioned the Y lifestyle, as both vowel and consonant. I am a Vowel! Say it Loud and Say it Proud! was the chant of the Vowel Rights Campaign Fund members who protested outside the courthouse.
Counter protesters were also on hand represented by the Reverend Consonant O.N. Lee who was angered by the liberal courts flaunting, in his opinion, of morals and values by declaring that "the letter Y is anything but a red-blooded, God-fearing, gun-toting, American consonant and we won't take this decision lying down," screeched the ultra right-wing nutjob while simultaneously spitting, stomping and trying to keep his false teeth from flying out of his mouth.
The bottom line.........no longer may you say A, E, I, O, U and sometimes Y. You must now say A, E, I, O, U and any other consonant that may need to be valued or respected including, but not limited to by any means, the letter Y. Is this a great country or what?
Writing about the decision, Judge Starship Moonbeam indicated that the intentional exclusion of the letter Y as a vowel in certain cases caused emotional and vocabularic trauma to the letter Y as it left the letter in an awkward stance between it's peers, both vowels and consonants.
Reaction to the decision was immediate in the celebrity "cause" community who had supported the civil rights of Y'ists. Barbara "Not so funny gyrl" Streisand, who had opened her home to "T" parties for the letter "Y", was ecstatic and opined, "the circuit court in yet another ruling against the wishes of the majority chose instead to follow the enlightened Hollywood celebrity views and end this hostile and abusive practice of intentionally excluding Y as a very, valued vowel." "Thank the Higher Power that this court refuses to listen to the ordinary citizenry." Robert "Pinko" Redford, appearing with pal Fidel Castro, hailed the ruling as a victory for the "common man". Redford ignored questions from a reporter when the impertinent scribe asked Redford if he was aware that buddy Fidel had actually jailed and murdered journalists and authors for simply using the letter Y in their works.
Bi-alphabetists have also weighed in for the decision by indicating the court has now sanctioned the Y lifestyle, as both vowel and consonant. I am a Vowel! Say it Loud and Say it Proud! was the chant of the Vowel Rights Campaign Fund members who protested outside the courthouse.
Counter protesters were also on hand represented by the Reverend Consonant O.N. Lee who was angered by the liberal courts flaunting, in his opinion, of morals and values by declaring that "the letter Y is anything but a red-blooded, God-fearing, gun-toting, American consonant and we won't take this decision lying down," screeched the ultra right-wing nutjob while simultaneously spitting, stomping and trying to keep his false teeth from flying out of his mouth.
The bottom line.........no longer may you say A, E, I, O, U and sometimes Y. You must now say A, E, I, O, U and any other consonant that may need to be valued or respected including, but not limited to by any means, the letter Y. Is this a great country or what?
