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Tonight, I shall put on my hat as a musical reviewer. I shall wear this hat over the tin foil hat I normally don which I wear over.....um, okay, you get the point.

The Beautiful South is actually a band from the UK and not a description of the southern half of America, which is sometimes beautiful and sometimes not. The band was formed after the break up of the group The Housemartins in the late 80s or so. If you like cleverness, irony and cynicism(not the whiny pathetic kind but rather the world is screwed up, we're screwed up too so let's go drinkin' kind) The band manages to be successfully smart without being smartass, a fine distinction so many artistes cannot even vaguely comprehend.

WELCOME TO THE BEAUTIFUL SOUTH
This is my intro album(showing my age there) and one I highly recommend. One of their more famous songs is Song for Whoever, here are some sample lyrics

Oh shirley, oh deborah, oh julie, oh jane
I wrote so many songs about you
I forget your name (I forget your name)
Jennifer, alison, phillipa, sue, deborah, annabel, too
Jennifer, alison, phillipa, sue, deborah, annabel, too
I forget your name

I love your from the bottom of my pencil case
I love the way you never ask me why
I love to write about each wrinkle on your face
And I love you till my fountain pen runs dry

Deep so deep, the number one I hope to reap
Depends upon the tears you weep, so cry, lovey cry, cry, cry, cry

Oh cathy, oh alison, oh phillipa, oh sue
You made me so much money, I wrote this song for you
Jennifer, alison, phillipa, sue, deborah, annabel, too
I wrote this song for you

Ah, yes, the great inspiration luv and how it can make you a bunch of dough. The sound is not mean-spirited and is sung with the poppy enthusiasm of a boy band. Here's to all the lovely ladies I've known but I'll be damned if I can remember which one you are. Honest. Classic.

THE WOMAN IN THE WALL
When you read the lyrics to this song don't go looking up the telephone number for the National Organization for Women and filing a complaint! So, the song is about a guy who kills his female companion, at least that is what it "seems" to be about.

He was just a social drinker but social every night
He enjoyed a pint or two or three or four
She was just a silent thinker, silent every night
He’d enjoy the thought of killing her before

Again, this song would be quite morbid if it weren't sung with such inspiration and enthusiasm.

Cry freedom for the woman in the wall
Cry freedom for she has no voice at all
I hear her cry all day, all night
I hear her voice from deep within the wall
Made a cross from knitting needles
Made a grave from hoover bags
Especially for the woman in the wall

Very Edgar A Poe stuff here. Sort of like The Telltale Heart theme song. I think the song is about people who are in relationships with jerks and they end up closed off from their friends and family as if they were already dead. Then again, maybe the writers of the tune just got totally pissed(drunk) one night and wrote a song about offing someone who annoys them. But I think not......

Then at last it seemed that he was really winning
He felt that he had some sort of grip
But all of his new life was sent a-spinning
When the rotting wall began to drip

SEE, the jerk does not get away with it. SO, all is well. Crime does not pay. If you're the woman or man in the wall GET THE HELL OUT!

I'll Sail This Ship Alone
This is a ballad sung with all the melancholy, desperation and false hope of unrequited luv. It's about how foolish we can sometimes be when we try so desperately to get back together with someone who 1) can't remember your name or 2) is a jerk who wishes you ill(see prior two songs). We only stalk the ones we love?

If, if you choose that we will always lose
Well then I’ll sail this ship alone
And if, if you decide to give him another try
Well then I’ll sail this ship alone

Well they said if I wrote the perfect love song
You would take me back
Well I wrote it but I lost it
And now will you take me back anyway

Now if, if you insist that this is for the best
Well then I’ll sail this ship alone
And if, if you swear that you no longer care
Well then I’ll sail this ship alone

I’ll sail this ship alone
Between the pain and the pleasure
I’ll sail this ship alone
Amongst the sharks and the treasure
If you would rather go your way then go your way
I’ll sail this ship alone

If, if you’re afraid that I won’t make the grade
Well then I’ll sail this ship alone
And if, if you agree to him instead of me
Well then I’ll sail this ship alone

Well they said if I wrote the perfect letter
That I would have a chance
Well I wrote it, and you burnt it
And now do I have a chance anyway

If, if you swear that you no longer care
Well then I’ll sail this ship alone

I’ll sail this ship alone
Between the pain and the pleasure
I’ll sail this ship alone
Amongst the sharks and the treasure
If you would rather go your way then go your way
I’ll sail this ship alone

Well they said if I burnt myself alive
That you’d come running back

The lyrics may seem mean when you see them on paper but when you actually hear the song you can't help but feel a little bit sorry for the guy/gal even tho they may be a big ole fool! Who hasn't been a fool for love?

So, get on line and give a listen or buy the cd cuz I'm sure they need the money......better yet, give me the money to go to Britain where I can see them perform live.

well, this was from the big 'nado outbreak last summer and is my "experiment"picture with getting pics on my blog. hopefully, this will work.....auntie em willing......and Toto too! 

This is one of the exchanges that has our Senators on the Foreign "intelligenceless" Committee up in arms and spilling cocktails over, UN abmassador nominee John Bolton.

Thomas Fingar is the assistant secretary of state for the Bureau of Itelligence Research.............get me a B.I.R. i guess. Anyway this is the guy's testimony:

Question: Could you characterize your meeting with Mr Bolton? Was he calm?

Mr Fingar: No, he was angry. He was standing up.

Question: Did he raise his voice to you? Did he point a finger in your face?

Mr Fingar: I don't remember if he pointed. John speaks in such a low voice normally. Was it louder than normal? Probably, I wouldn't characterize it as screaming at me or anything like that. It was more hands on hips, the body language as I recall it. I knew he was mad.

From this exchange and others Senator Babs Boxer determines that Mr Bolton perhaps needs "anger management lessons". My question would be when would Sen Boxer and others be willing to sign up for "stupidity management lessons" and then maybe everyone could get a group rate at the local mental health clinic?

It seems Mr Bolton has DARED criticize the United Nations. Free speech issues aside, which ironically only seem to apply to the left, we need someone who will at least STAND UP and PUT THEIR HANDS ON THEIR HIPS with this utterly corrupt, anachronistic and failed organization. The United Nations is a great concept but a failure in practice. Perhaps, if someone like Mr Bolton who were willing to STAND UP and PUT THEIR HANDS ON THEIR HIPS in Cambodia, Rwanda, and the Sudan, genocide would have, if not been prevented, then cut short. Perhaps better to have a surly individual in charge of this operation than someone like Kofi Annan who is on the take and overseeing an organization that is accepting bribes from the governments it is supposedly sanctioning.

Libs miss the boat with we conservatives. It is not the United Nations we necessarily have a problem with but the FAILURE of the United Nations to accomplish goals. It is not even that, the United Nations tends to make matters even WORSE by making the pretense of doing something when in reality it does NOTHING! Then they trumpet this pretense as SUCCESS. It is a lie and it is disgusting. Sure, it makes the proponent of the idea feel better about themselves while making the situation they so "care" about disasterous.

The Left cares while the RIGHT does!! We need a HANDS ON HIP guy in the UN! He can go to the United Nations Human Rights Commission and tell the modern day Hitlers in the Sudan, who presently, i am not making this up, SIT on the this commission, THIS IS WHERE YOU GET OFF!!!!

If they are offended too damn bad. They can probably find a court in the US to award them damages. Fine. What if this activist approach in search of a postive outcome to solving a problem actually thwarted more killing? It would be worth it.....

So while Babs and her fiends in the Senate dilly dally around and play obstructionist, maybe someone will step forward, take charge and actually DO something. It may make the other red-tapers look bad but it may also make the world a better place by being more focused on outcomes rather than motives.

SO:
The Libs want a jump to the left......
and the GOP wants a step to the r-iiii-gght
put your hands on your hips
and pull your knees in tight
well it's the conservative thrust
that drive the dims ins-aaaa-aanne
LET'S DO THE BOLTON AGAIN
LET'S DO THE BOLTON AGAIN
(to the tune of the time warp....rocky horror picture show)

HOW NOT TO START THE DAY
I have a conversation with the banshees at Captial One Credit card about closing out my CAP ONE Platinum card and keeping my CAP ONE Gold card with an increased credit limit, by the by, less than both cards added together. On Saturday, I had been told this was okay but evidently due to the lunar eclipse Sunday, no it was not okay. I was transferred by clueless CAP ONE goof to supervisory goof who asked, no lie, WHAT IS YOUR PROBLEM????? Their commercial asks, what's in your wallet? Definitely not a Capital One card....

YOU'VE GOT..........GAS
Undeterred by the less than auspicious start, at lunch, I go to get gas, no pun intended. I pull into the place and roll right up to the pump at the busy station. I get out. I go to pump. I fold, spindle and manipulate the pump. I turn around. I am in the OLD car. The tank is on the other side. sigh. I reverese every step. I get back in the car and pull forward into a parking space at the convenience mart. I start to back up but gran-ma-ma, in her horseless carriage, had pulled in smack dab behind me. I did not honk as i figured i would be accused of manslaughter for causing granny's heart attack. So i wait......granny MOVES!...........right thru the station and out the other entrance! Before i could react, a pre-teen who could obviously only have a learners permit, cruised in to MY pump!!. I then had to back out and wait behind someone else! Curses to the old and the young. Now I pay at the pump because I don't want to have to go inside. I am asked, do you want a reciept. I say yes. whirr, whirr, whirr. I stand there staring intently at the place where my receipt should be printing then a voice comes over the loud speaker out of nowhere, much like God, SIR YOU WILL HAVE TO COME IN FOR YOUR RECEIPT. I spoke my thougts aloud about that prospect, which, quite probably may have being blasted right back through at the poor clerk and to all the customers at the Big Foot Amoco. oops! I drove off sans receipt.

GOD BLESS OUR PUBLIC SERVANTS
SO, I was running to the post office at that point, already behind in my lunch hour errands. Of course, there was a line, a long line. I went to the vending machine, opened my wallet and, had only $6, not enough for a $7.40 book of stamps. I put my one dollar bill in thinking I could get at least TWO measly stamps. in and out. in and out. My completely PERFECT dollar bill, valid US CURRENCY would not be accepted by a US GOVERNMENT FACILITY!!!!!! I give up and go wait in line. I have to buy book of stamps with my bank card. Postal employee says, "honey, your card is not signed so this can't be a credit." debit? yes, they do debit!! DO IT WOMAN FOR GODSAKES!

I get my stamps and rush off back, to work. I get to the parking lot and the car. no keys......i stand there and reflect, idiotically, about leaving my keys at the gas station........................................HELLO! how did I get HERE!! LIGHT BULB! I left them on top of the stamp machine. I rush back into the post office, run to the machine, they are NOT THERE!!

I sheepishly walk up to the counter, to hell with the line, and ask if any keys have been turned in? They very nice postal lady holds up my key chain and keys for all to see and sarcastically shakes them and waves them at me. In a sing-song voice she says "SPONGE BOB"???? yes, I have a sponge bob key chain. The entire post office erupted into laughter as I snatched the keys back, thanking the would be comic moonlighting as a US Postal Service employee.

COOP DAY GRACE
After work, I went to the grocery store, carelessly tempting fate. Everything went remarkably smoothly. At the checkout, my purchases were scanned. I presented two coupons. "THESE ARE EXPIRED," sneered the checkout girl. Indeed, they were.....indeed they were. "WELL," her nastiness asked, "what do you want me to do with these?" you can ............................I said nothing so as not to get arrested. I came home, wrote this and went to bed..............

The sun'll come out tomorrow.....oh, shove it Annie.

WASHINGTON DC- John R Bolton, the President's embattled nominee to be the next United States ambassador to the United Nations has withdrawn his name from consideration for the post citing personal reasons. "I can make a ton of money in the private sector and I won't have to put up with the b.s. from those (rectum pits) in the US Senate," shouted Bolton.

The angry response is typical of why the Democrats on the Senate Foreign Relations Committe have united in their opposition to the Bolton nomination, or so they say. "John Bolton is a tyrant, who was mean to his subordinates," screeched Senator Joseph "my time" Biden, "he's a nazi, he's hysterical, he beats his wife AND HIS DOG" continued the nearly apoplectic Senator, and veteran of mutliple-failed Presidential campaigns. "Besides he's a Republican," hissed the Senator in full hissy fit mode himself.

Barbara "i'm no dog" Boxer and Christopher "robin" Dodd, both Democrats, somehow convinced George "rhymes with vitch" Voinovich to vote against Bolton because of the incongruence of colors in Mr. Bolton's hair and mustache. The three actually requested to run their fingers thru the nominees hair to find traces of either dye or to see if they could pull "the piece" off entirely. According to Boxer, she "doesn't trust a man in a wig, unless of course it is a fabulous San Francisco drag queen doing a killer impersonation of Cher."

The White House, seemingly unaware of who they had actually nominated, immediately decided to replace John Bolton with singer Michael Bolton. White House spokesperson Scott McLellan announced "tracking polls show Michael Bolton's name recognition much higher than John Bolton's," he continued "middle-aged, hormonal-crazed soccer Moms(a key demographic group) are much more likely to take their panties off and throw them at Michael than John. That is what we are looking for at the UN. We are tired of being so unpopular."

"Imagine the reaction of the female ambassadors from Sri Lanka, Sweden and Bolivia when our new appointee to the post sings When a Man Loves a Woman gushed Senator Lincoln "i have a rash" Chafee of Rhode Island. Added Senator Boxer, "he could be my Soul Provider any time." "Mine too," giggled Senator Chuck "the bagel" Hagel, "rowwrrrr", making fictional claws in the air.

When President Bush was finally reached for comment he stated "Michael is a fine American icon what with the glove and the moonwalk thing.....once he takes care of this pedophilionomics business, well we got ourselves a new UN ambassador". The President was last seen with his Ipod walking across the White House lawn singing, "Billie Jean is not my lover........"

I REALLY THINK THAT MY LAWN IS MOCKING ME(I can hear the giggling)..................it is going on the second year in the new house and the grass is still rather patchy in places. I have put down seed and fertilizer. I have watered. But I am still not sure there is any "action" taking place out there. Does grass have sex? Maybe I should use Viagra instead of Round Up. A little wine instead of water and maybe some romantic music? Maybe my grass is gay...............heaven forbid.

I have found one sure way to get grass a'growin', put down that stupid black landscaping paper and place rocks on top. Now that is where I have clumps of grass springing up! I am not quite sure of the purpose of that black paper unless it is some sort of sadistic experiment to drive people like myself mad. I'll have to see where that stuff is made, my guess is North Korea, and alert Homeland Security if necessary.

I mean, I am not obsessive about my lawn. I actually like dandelions, creeping charlie and those little violets. I know, I know, some of you are saying that is my problem. I am too lenient in allowing those weeds to taint the landscape. However, I simply refuse to have some company run by "Chemical Ali" come and spray toxic chemicals on my yard just so the grass can be green and free of ALL other livnig things, including me! What fish remain in the Gulf of Mexico will someday thank me. And when that day comes, they'll put me in a padded room with only a view of the outdoors through a barred window for being caught conversing with a mackerel.

So, I shall keep you all posted on the fertility of my lawn. It is bound to be as exciting as the pregnancy of Britney and Cletus Spears. And if the grass turns out to be gay, fine. I'll buy a giant disco ball and blast Dancing Queen out the windows of the house. It will be the most festive patch of lawn on the block!

kent "not young, not sweet and definitely not seventeen" stock

Perhaps ABBA could reunite and put on a charity concert for my lawn?

Pickalil, blogalil, pickalil, blogalil
cheep, cheep, cheep
talk alot blog alil more......................