Sunday, October 29, 2006
CUBS DON'T WIN WORLD SERIES!!
Cardinal fans have been bouncing about since their world series championship Friday much like a small dog.......LOOK! LOOK! WE WON! SEE?! DO YA SEE ME?! WE WON! THE CUBS DIDN'T!! LOOK! ARE YOU PAYING ATTENTION TO ME?! HUH? HUH? SEE ME?! SEE?!! I would not be surprised if in their excitement a few of them peed in the floor. Which would be great because it would be a perfect opportunity to smack them in the nose with a rolled up newspaper.
I would like to remind all Cardinal fans at this time, tho, that although their "Cardinal nation" may be successful and quite cute, Midwestern entity, the Cubs are universal. In fact, God is a Cub fan. There I said it. Why, you ask?
Cub fans represent all God's children and their different faiths. For example:
Cub fans are like Protestants - Protestantism is about denying oneself pleasure. Well, not entirely, you are allowed to enjoy yourself within limits. Therefore, we are allowed to enjoy individual games during the season with the understanding that celebrating the big victory of a World Series championship would be sinful.
Cub fans are like Catholics - Ritual and tradition. Even if it ceases to make sense. The Cub players are our saints and the current manager the Pope. We have our idols and our ceremonies. And if we get too carried away, we confess! Voila!
Cub fans are like the Jews - The Cubs have a diaspora too. We are spread out all over the globe. We are blamed for everything. We suffer. We enjoy it. Through it all, we deal with all the bad things(losing, curses etc...) because we are the chosen people.
Cub fans are like Hindus - It's all about the Kharma baby. My guess is that we as Cub fans in previous lives have built up a ton of negative kharma and, in our reincarnated state, have returned to suffer for our past lives. On the other hand, what a great way to get back in the harmony of the universe. You should shed a lot of negative baggage this way.
Cub fans are like Buddhists - We think about things. Why the world is so cruel? Why are we denied? What is a curse? Some even look like Buddha with their beer bellies out in the bleachers on a hot summer day.
Cub fans are like Muslims - Everyone else is an infidel. Each spring we strap the Cubs on our back and go forth into the season with great hope. And by every fall, the team explodes destroying all our dreams that this will finally be the year. As painful as this may be, we are martyrs and will return next year for the same.
There you have it, the faithful Cub fan is the most representative of all God's children. Don't believe me? Well, it's in the Bible. Where? What do I look like a priest? Find it yourself..........oh alright:
1st Illinoisians Chapter 19 Verse 69
Lo! In the land of plenty there will exist a people who will be denied every fall their fondest hopes and dreams. They shall have a whole winter to despair. Hark! Then spring shall come and the rebirth of their hopes with it. They shall be faithful. They shall be given the strength to endure the slurs of their opponents. And for all their earthly suffering, they will be awarded a prize of box seats behind the 3rd base dugout in the stadium of Heaven. They shall be served roasted peanuts(and you know where they will be roasted) by those who tormented them during their earthly lives. And all will be right in the kingdom of DA GOD! GO CUBS!
I would like to remind all Cardinal fans at this time, tho, that although their "Cardinal nation" may be successful and quite cute, Midwestern entity, the Cubs are universal. In fact, God is a Cub fan. There I said it. Why, you ask?
Cub fans represent all God's children and their different faiths. For example:
Cub fans are like Protestants - Protestantism is about denying oneself pleasure. Well, not entirely, you are allowed to enjoy yourself within limits. Therefore, we are allowed to enjoy individual games during the season with the understanding that celebrating the big victory of a World Series championship would be sinful.
Cub fans are like Catholics - Ritual and tradition. Even if it ceases to make sense. The Cub players are our saints and the current manager the Pope. We have our idols and our ceremonies. And if we get too carried away, we confess! Voila!
Cub fans are like the Jews - The Cubs have a diaspora too. We are spread out all over the globe. We are blamed for everything. We suffer. We enjoy it. Through it all, we deal with all the bad things(losing, curses etc...) because we are the chosen people.
Cub fans are like Hindus - It's all about the Kharma baby. My guess is that we as Cub fans in previous lives have built up a ton of negative kharma and, in our reincarnated state, have returned to suffer for our past lives. On the other hand, what a great way to get back in the harmony of the universe. You should shed a lot of negative baggage this way.
Cub fans are like Buddhists - We think about things. Why the world is so cruel? Why are we denied? What is a curse? Some even look like Buddha with their beer bellies out in the bleachers on a hot summer day.
Cub fans are like Muslims - Everyone else is an infidel. Each spring we strap the Cubs on our back and go forth into the season with great hope. And by every fall, the team explodes destroying all our dreams that this will finally be the year. As painful as this may be, we are martyrs and will return next year for the same.
There you have it, the faithful Cub fan is the most representative of all God's children. Don't believe me? Well, it's in the Bible. Where? What do I look like a priest? Find it yourself..........oh alright:
1st Illinoisians Chapter 19 Verse 69
Lo! In the land of plenty there will exist a people who will be denied every fall their fondest hopes and dreams. They shall have a whole winter to despair. Hark! Then spring shall come and the rebirth of their hopes with it. They shall be faithful. They shall be given the strength to endure the slurs of their opponents. And for all their earthly suffering, they will be awarded a prize of box seats behind the 3rd base dugout in the stadium of Heaven. They shall be served roasted peanuts(and you know where they will be roasted) by those who tormented them during their earthly lives. And all will be right in the kingdom of DA GOD! GO CUBS!
