Saturday, August 05, 2006
CHINA SYNDROME
This was written back in 2004 before I ever knew about blogging. I used to email my family and friends these little gems. Most of them still speak to me......I think.
At Wal-Mart the other day, I purchased a little stand up cabinet so I would have someplace to put the toilet paper and kleenex in my bathroom. Something I guess I just could not live without? Why? I don't really know, maybe I was worried my paper products would resent me for leaving them out in the open. No squeezing the Charmin for you big guy.
I knew assembly would be required but this was not a very big piece, surely it could not be that difficult.
HA! I knew I was in trouble when I opened the box and about a jillion tiny screws fell out. Who did they think was going to be putting this together, Oompa Loompas? So I valiantly tried to put the microscopic screws in what were not really holes but just recommendations for where the holes were supposed to be drilled before the thing left Beijing. And that brings me to my point. The Chinese are trying to drive us crazy. They even put their cute little Made in China sticker on the cabinet so as I was trying to screw the door on I could look in the back of the cabinet and see it. In gold it was. Taunting the stupid American capitalist pig who is so vain as to need a cabinet for his T.P.
So while we are busy assembling our "crap", they are plotting to take over the world as they dull our senses with their "some assembly required" furniture. I picture the invasion force coming here without firing a shot as we all stand there blank faced with thousands of miniscule screws around our feet, Phillips screwdrivers hanging loosely in our slack hands, and paper.....the directions torn up and tossed about like confetti.
Anyway, if that doesn't happen the Chinese are missing out on a golden opportunity. I did finish the cabinet "sort of" and it looks great. Just don't open the door to admire the craftmanship. So, if I ever have Chinese guests over to the house and they use the bathroom they can report back to their superiors that the "master" plan is working.
At Wal-Mart the other day, I purchased a little stand up cabinet so I would have someplace to put the toilet paper and kleenex in my bathroom. Something I guess I just could not live without? Why? I don't really know, maybe I was worried my paper products would resent me for leaving them out in the open. No squeezing the Charmin for you big guy.
I knew assembly would be required but this was not a very big piece, surely it could not be that difficult.
HA! I knew I was in trouble when I opened the box and about a jillion tiny screws fell out. Who did they think was going to be putting this together, Oompa Loompas? So I valiantly tried to put the microscopic screws in what were not really holes but just recommendations for where the holes were supposed to be drilled before the thing left Beijing. And that brings me to my point. The Chinese are trying to drive us crazy. They even put their cute little Made in China sticker on the cabinet so as I was trying to screw the door on I could look in the back of the cabinet and see it. In gold it was. Taunting the stupid American capitalist pig who is so vain as to need a cabinet for his T.P.
So while we are busy assembling our "crap", they are plotting to take over the world as they dull our senses with their "some assembly required" furniture. I picture the invasion force coming here without firing a shot as we all stand there blank faced with thousands of miniscule screws around our feet, Phillips screwdrivers hanging loosely in our slack hands, and paper.....the directions torn up and tossed about like confetti.
Anyway, if that doesn't happen the Chinese are missing out on a golden opportunity. I did finish the cabinet "sort of" and it looks great. Just don't open the door to admire the craftmanship. So, if I ever have Chinese guests over to the house and they use the bathroom they can report back to their superiors that the "master" plan is working.
