Saturday, March 04, 2006
DUMB ILLINOIS LAWS
Brought to you by Dumb.com! My comments in bold.
According to state law, it is illegal to speak English. The officially recognized language is "American".
--darn tootin'. we speak 'Murican here
In Champaign it is illegal to pee in your neighbors mouth.
--um, okay, I think that could probably be made a statewide law.
In Chicago it is against the law to eat in an establishment that is on fire.
--but officer I just wanted to finish my deep dish pizza
In Chiago, it is illegal to give a dog whiskey.
--wine or beer must be okay?
Des Plaines: Wheelbarrows with For-Sale signs may not be chained to trees.
--that really has been a vexing problem here.
Evanston is against trick or treating on Halloween.
--but not at Christmas?
Homer: It is against the law to use a slingshot unless your are a law enforcement officer.
--and that is probably too much firepower for Homer
You may not take a french poodle to an opera in Chicago.
--How about a collie to a cotillion?
In Oblong, Illinois, it's punishable by law to make love while hunting or fishing on your wedding day.
--okay, you just know that everyone in Oblong knows exactly why this law is on the books and who it is about
In Zion, Ill., it is illegal for anyone to give lighted cigars to dogs, cats, and other domesticated animals kept as pets.
--honey, better take the smokes away from the hamster. we'll get him the patch.
It is against the law for a monster to enter the corporate limits of Urbana, Illinois.
--does this mean state rep naomi jakobsson cant return home? actually, this may be one of the better laws in the People's Repbulic of Urbana.
Joliet: Town fathers, reflecting the pet peeve of hearing their town's name mispronounced 'Jolly-ETTE' when all local folk know it's pronounced 'Joe-lee-ETTE', made pronouncing it Jolly-ette a misdemeanor, punishable by a $5 fine.
--i prefer stinky junction to describe the community
Kirkland: Bees are not allowed to fly over the village or through any of Kirkland's streets.
--apiaphobes!
Moline: Ice skating at the Riverside pond during the months of June and August is prohibited.
--i would love to see the folks in the quad cities break out the skates in July tho.
Normal: It is against the law to make faces at dogs.
--well, that is just not, well....um....normal
You may be convicted of a Class 4 felony offense, punishable by up to three years in state prison, for the crime of "eavesdropping" on your own conversation. -720 ILCS 5/14-2.
--okay Sybil!
Dwarf-tossing," the strange practice of hurling dwarfs in padded suits, is outlawed in the bars of Springfield, Ill., because it's dangerous and exploitative. The practice is apparently allowed elsewhere in town, with a special permit.
--like the governor's mansion?
In Manteno, you cannot "throw, drop or place" a used hankie "upon any public way or public place or upon the floor of any convenience or upon the floor of any theater, hall or assembly or public building or upon the surface or any lot or parcel of ground or on the roof on any building or in any light or air shaft, court or areaway."
--wow! somebody have a bad childhood experience with kleenex or something?
According to state law, it is illegal to speak English. The officially recognized language is "American".
--darn tootin'. we speak 'Murican here
In Champaign it is illegal to pee in your neighbors mouth.
--um, okay, I think that could probably be made a statewide law.
In Chicago it is against the law to eat in an establishment that is on fire.
--but officer I just wanted to finish my deep dish pizza
In Chiago, it is illegal to give a dog whiskey.
--wine or beer must be okay?
Des Plaines: Wheelbarrows with For-Sale signs may not be chained to trees.
--that really has been a vexing problem here.
Evanston is against trick or treating on Halloween.
--but not at Christmas?
Homer: It is against the law to use a slingshot unless your are a law enforcement officer.
--and that is probably too much firepower for Homer
You may not take a french poodle to an opera in Chicago.
--How about a collie to a cotillion?
In Oblong, Illinois, it's punishable by law to make love while hunting or fishing on your wedding day.
--okay, you just know that everyone in Oblong knows exactly why this law is on the books and who it is about
In Zion, Ill., it is illegal for anyone to give lighted cigars to dogs, cats, and other domesticated animals kept as pets.
--honey, better take the smokes away from the hamster. we'll get him the patch.
It is against the law for a monster to enter the corporate limits of Urbana, Illinois.
--does this mean state rep naomi jakobsson cant return home? actually, this may be one of the better laws in the People's Repbulic of Urbana.
Joliet: Town fathers, reflecting the pet peeve of hearing their town's name mispronounced 'Jolly-ETTE' when all local folk know it's pronounced 'Joe-lee-ETTE', made pronouncing it Jolly-ette a misdemeanor, punishable by a $5 fine.
--i prefer stinky junction to describe the community
Kirkland: Bees are not allowed to fly over the village or through any of Kirkland's streets.
--apiaphobes!
Moline: Ice skating at the Riverside pond during the months of June and August is prohibited.
--i would love to see the folks in the quad cities break out the skates in July tho.
Normal: It is against the law to make faces at dogs.
--well, that is just not, well....um....normal
You may be convicted of a Class 4 felony offense, punishable by up to three years in state prison, for the crime of "eavesdropping" on your own conversation. -720 ILCS 5/14-2.
--okay Sybil!
Dwarf-tossing," the strange practice of hurling dwarfs in padded suits, is outlawed in the bars of Springfield, Ill., because it's dangerous and exploitative. The practice is apparently allowed elsewhere in town, with a special permit.
--like the governor's mansion?
In Manteno, you cannot "throw, drop or place" a used hankie "upon any public way or public place or upon the floor of any convenience or upon the floor of any theater, hall or assembly or public building or upon the surface or any lot or parcel of ground or on the roof on any building or in any light or air shaft, court or areaway."
--wow! somebody have a bad childhood experience with kleenex or something?
Comments:
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Okay, I absolutely love these "dumb" laws. And our taxpayers money is beening spent to make these laws? No wonder our nation is in some much debt!
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# posted by 
: 6:34 AM
: 6:34 AM << Home
