Saturday, February 25, 2006
MCDONALDS TO EMPLOYEES: DON'T GET YOUR ARCHES IN A BUNCH
Superpower fast food chain McDonalds sought to allay fears from its franchise owners about the revelations of a plan to let Burger King begin running the day to day operations of McDonalds restaurants in at least six states.
"I really don't see what the big deal is," said Ray Croc XXIII McDonalds CEO, "I mean I just found out about it this morning after my yoga class so maybe it is just my current feeling of inner peace but I say go for it." "I know Burger King has been a ferocious competitor with us for decades, but, all that trying to put the other guy out of business stuff needs to stop somewhere right? Can't we all just get along?" Continued Croc, "It is a shame that whopperphobia seems to have such a stranglehold on some people."
McDonalds employees were not so certain. Picketing outside company headquarters in Oak Brook, Illinois they carried signs saying HAMBURGLED!, NOT MY KING! and YOUR CORPORATE DECISIONS MAKE ME GRIMACE! The protestors were also chanting HOLD THE PICKLES! HOLD THE LETTUCE! BURGER KING IS OUT TO GET US! Loquesha Martinez, spokesperson for the group had this to say, "Ya know, we have this really great corporation, ya know, and, like we are number one and now, like ya know, we are letting some trashy ho company like BK come in and crap all over, ya know, our Big Macs." A woman who only identified herself as Esther from the Senior Center said that McDonalds was the only place that would hire a 102 year old. "Besides that King guy on the commercials.........He scares the hell out of me."
Burger King spokesman, Mohammed Abullah Hatabigmaca, attempted to quell any fears about the move. "This hostile takeover is only a stepping stone.......er, one moment wrong notes....this friendly foray into another's business will be handled with the utmost respect and fear for the lives of the infidel McDonalds employees.....er, damn, wrong notes again. Someone's gonna lose a hand over this." Hatabigmaca and Croc held a joint press conference expressing their undying love and affection for one another and each other's corporation. Holding hands and singing "We are the Whoppers, We are the Big Macs, Get a combo meal deal and we'll throw in a sundae for free" The harmonious moment of the occasion was broken however, when Mohammed shouted "Death to Infidel Wendy's." "Damn, I just can seem to stop myself. Praise be to Allah." Croc was last seen holding a ceremonial "belt" presented to him as a gift by Hatabigmaca who told him it would give him a real "blast".
"I really don't see what the big deal is," said Ray Croc XXIII McDonalds CEO, "I mean I just found out about it this morning after my yoga class so maybe it is just my current feeling of inner peace but I say go for it." "I know Burger King has been a ferocious competitor with us for decades, but, all that trying to put the other guy out of business stuff needs to stop somewhere right? Can't we all just get along?" Continued Croc, "It is a shame that whopperphobia seems to have such a stranglehold on some people."
McDonalds employees were not so certain. Picketing outside company headquarters in Oak Brook, Illinois they carried signs saying HAMBURGLED!, NOT MY KING! and YOUR CORPORATE DECISIONS MAKE ME GRIMACE! The protestors were also chanting HOLD THE PICKLES! HOLD THE LETTUCE! BURGER KING IS OUT TO GET US! Loquesha Martinez, spokesperson for the group had this to say, "Ya know, we have this really great corporation, ya know, and, like we are number one and now, like ya know, we are letting some trashy ho company like BK come in and crap all over, ya know, our Big Macs." A woman who only identified herself as Esther from the Senior Center said that McDonalds was the only place that would hire a 102 year old. "Besides that King guy on the commercials.........He scares the hell out of me."
Burger King spokesman, Mohammed Abullah Hatabigmaca, attempted to quell any fears about the move. "This hostile takeover is only a stepping stone.......er, one moment wrong notes....this friendly foray into another's business will be handled with the utmost respect and fear for the lives of the infidel McDonalds employees.....er, damn, wrong notes again. Someone's gonna lose a hand over this." Hatabigmaca and Croc held a joint press conference expressing their undying love and affection for one another and each other's corporation. Holding hands and singing "We are the Whoppers, We are the Big Macs, Get a combo meal deal and we'll throw in a sundae for free" The harmonious moment of the occasion was broken however, when Mohammed shouted "Death to Infidel Wendy's." "Damn, I just can seem to stop myself. Praise be to Allah." Croc was last seen holding a ceremonial "belt" presented to him as a gift by Hatabigmaca who told him it would give him a real "blast".
