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"MEN", bellowed the beefy guy in the sweats with a whistle hanging around his neck. I'm sure I looked around the room to see who he was addressing. Maybe our fathers had come in the room or maybe some other teachers? No, then who......wait a second...he means US! I probably giggled which was not very manly for sure.

Of course, we weren't men we were BOYS. It was the first day of gym class. We were in the seventh grade and only 12 or 13 years old. Now a couple of my classmates had been shaving since like the 3rd grade but overall we were just a gangly bunch of kids. There was a boy, held back numerous times, that actually had his drivers license so he might have come the closest to manhood. However, 7th graders authorized to operate a motor vehicle were few and far between.

Otherwise, not even a year ago some of us had still gone trick or treating and made boxes for cards on Valentiines Day. We caught lightning bugs in the summer. We rode our bikes everywhere. No one had a job. We had to be home by the time the streetlights came on. True, the voices and bodies were changing but that just happened by default.

So why the promotion to MEN? Simply because we walked through the doors of the high school gym in our PE uniforms? Was it the jockstrap? Communal showering? Were the girls getting the same speech in their lockerroom about being women? Somehow I doubt it because women aren't as absurd as we fellows. Yes, you heard it here first.

I think it was probably an effort to reach us and inspire us. Some sort of hooey that adults think up and are convinced they are being clever by doing so. Most of the time, including this one with the coach, the person meant well. He was pretty cool and probably wanted us to feel important or build our self-esteem. He had a glass eye which was WAY impressive to the boys in his presence which allowed him to have much more influence than your "normal" teacher. That kind of thinking is what still made us BOYS! Simply calling us "men" did not make it so. He might as well have called us Indian elephants or bumblebees. That did not mean we would be stampeding or swarming anytime in the near future.

Over the succeeding years we did get different versions of the MAN talk usually from our coaches. But by all means they were not the only ones. A female teacher got so angry with our idiotic behavior at one point she screamed, "STOP ACTING LIKE A BUNCH OF CHILDREN". We were fourteen. We were children. Would you rather us act like you? A hysterical manic-depressive bitter shrew? There would be plenty of time for psychoses as adults. Let us be kids! Get mad at us for acting like boobs but don't castigate us for being children. Note: if you hate children, choosing the teaching profession probably was not a very wise decision.

I think the phrase that annoyed me the most was "Be A Man". Usually this was screamed at you by a chronological adult within several inches of your face. I suppose for maximum effect. First of all, as a MAN, I would not be as out of control as you are. I would not be screaming in a kid's face. I would not be that close to another guy unless I was planning on eventually bringing him home for the holidays to meet the parents.

GROW UP was another "fave". Why? You are a kid but such a short time and once you leave childhood, well, you can't really go back can you? And, let's face it, what is wrong with high school kids being boys and girls. And that is what the problem is these days, you push kids to grow up and then get mad when they take your advice. That is why you have unwanted pregnancies, substance abuse, suicide, violence, etc. You want a bunch of teen-agers to be men and women? Well, then why is it such a surprise they have adult problems too?

What makes a MAN? Any number of things: feeding and cleaning up after a parent who is dying of cancer, holding a sick child in your arms in the emergency room, serving your country to make the world a better place, making a commitment to another person to love and honor them, paying your taxes, keeping a neat house and yard because you own it. There are any number of things you can put on that list. And there is no reason in the world that being a good Man can't wait until you've had the chance to be a really good Boy.