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LIZZY COOTER LIDDY SCOOTER

An ecstatic Nancy Pelosi held a press conference after learning of the five count indictment handed down by US Attorney Patrick Fitzgerald against Scooter Libby, Vice President Dick Cheney's White House Chief of Staff. "Finally, we nailed the suckers. I can deal with Al Queada but Republicans, well we all know they are the biggest threat of all." At the conclusion of the press conference, Senator Dick "Les" Durbin of Illinois waltzed into the room, swept the beaming Pelosi off her feet and they proceeded to dance around the room to the new song, the Bush Lied Bop. "I feel like a schoolgirl again." "Oh Dick, stop that now, I'm the only shcoolgirl here" chided Pelosi to a giggling Durbin.

The Democrats celebratory mood was short-lived when polling data began to return indicating that not only did the American people not know who Scooter Libby was; they did not much care. Also, confusion reigned over exactly who was the accused. A typical response was that of Anita Cusin-Tumary of Byrdsville, West Virginia, "This is jes so typical of those DC bigwigs. They now 'er attackin' those cute lil muppets people. All they ever done is bring joy and laughter to the world and now those dang politicians go un ruin et for everyones." It appears that over 1/3rd of Americans polled thought that one of the world famous Muppets had indeed been charged with some sort of crime. And they were none too happy about it.

Other misconceptions were expressed about the last name of the defendant. "That family is cursed girlfriend," opined Amanda Huginkiss, a Chicago drag queen who was sharing cocktails with friends at a Boystown pub. "You know Libby Borden took that ax and gave her mother forty whacks, then she gave her daddy one more. um-hmmmm. Isn't Scooter her grandson?" "Actually he sounds like your last boyfriend," joked one of Ms Huginkiss' companions. "Shut up biotch!" snapped Huginkiss.

It appears people were also confusing Mr Libby with: US Senator Libby(actually Liddy) Dole, G Gordon Libby(ditto Liddy) from the Watergate era, and another television Scooter(actually Cooter from the TV show The Dukes of Hazard). A frustrated Patrick Fitzgerald issued a statement indicating he was going to put Libby, Libby, Libby on the label, label, label until justice, or dinner, was served.

When questioned later by reporters, a clearly chastened yet defiant Pelosi said, "Who would have thought that we liberals would be so successful at transforming our educational system into touchy-feely indoctrination camps of political correctness only to discover we have destroyed the brains of several generations of Americans. I never thought that diversity and tolerance crap would come back to bite us in the a**. It was just supposed to be a ploy to keep me in power."

And in a stunning turn of events, Fitzgerald's office announced they are launching a new investigation, this time of the House Minority Leader herself. Fitzgerald and his team will attempt to find an answer of why it is impossible for Ms Pelosi to blink. Concerns abound that the pallid Pelosi will be confused with Bela Lugosi but the Attorney's office dismissed such talk. "Lugosi at least appeared life like as Count Dracula. Pelosi clearly seems to be one of the truly undead."