Friday, April 22, 2005
I REALLY THINK THAT MY LAWN IS MOCKING ME(I can hear the giggling)..................it is going on the second year in the new house and the grass is still rather patchy in places. I have put down seed and fertilizer. I have watered. But I am still not sure there is any "action" taking place out there. Does grass have sex? Maybe I should use Viagra instead of Round Up. A little wine instead of water and maybe some romantic music? Maybe my grass is gay...............heaven forbid.
I have found one sure way to get grass a'growin', put down that stupid black landscaping paper and place rocks on top. Now that is where I have clumps of grass springing up! I am not quite sure of the purpose of that black paper unless it is some sort of sadistic experiment to drive people like myself mad. I'll have to see where that stuff is made, my guess is North Korea, and alert Homeland Security if necessary.
I mean, I am not obsessive about my lawn. I actually like dandelions, creeping charlie and those little violets. I know, I know, some of you are saying that is my problem. I am too lenient in allowing those weeds to taint the landscape. However, I simply refuse to have some company run by "Chemical Ali" come and spray toxic chemicals on my yard just so the grass can be green and free of ALL other livnig things, including me! What fish remain in the Gulf of Mexico will someday thank me. And when that day comes, they'll put me in a padded room with only a view of the outdoors through a barred window for being caught conversing with a mackerel.
So, I shall keep you all posted on the fertility of my lawn. It is bound to be as exciting as the pregnancy of Britney and Cletus Spears. And if the grass turns out to be gay, fine. I'll buy a giant disco ball and blast Dancing Queen out the windows of the house. It will be the most festive patch of lawn on the block!
kent "not young, not sweet and definitely not seventeen" stock
Perhaps ABBA could reunite and put on a charity concert for my lawn?
I have found one sure way to get grass a'growin', put down that stupid black landscaping paper and place rocks on top. Now that is where I have clumps of grass springing up! I am not quite sure of the purpose of that black paper unless it is some sort of sadistic experiment to drive people like myself mad. I'll have to see where that stuff is made, my guess is North Korea, and alert Homeland Security if necessary.
I mean, I am not obsessive about my lawn. I actually like dandelions, creeping charlie and those little violets. I know, I know, some of you are saying that is my problem. I am too lenient in allowing those weeds to taint the landscape. However, I simply refuse to have some company run by "Chemical Ali" come and spray toxic chemicals on my yard just so the grass can be green and free of ALL other livnig things, including me! What fish remain in the Gulf of Mexico will someday thank me. And when that day comes, they'll put me in a padded room with only a view of the outdoors through a barred window for being caught conversing with a mackerel.
So, I shall keep you all posted on the fertility of my lawn. It is bound to be as exciting as the pregnancy of Britney and Cletus Spears. And if the grass turns out to be gay, fine. I'll buy a giant disco ball and blast Dancing Queen out the windows of the house. It will be the most festive patch of lawn on the block!
kent "not young, not sweet and definitely not seventeen" stock
Perhaps ABBA could reunite and put on a charity concert for my lawn?
