Sunday, March 26, 2006
DNC PRESS CONFERENCE DISRUPTED BY "QUESTION"
NAP(Not Associated Press)-WASHINGTON DC
The Democratic National Committee and Congressional Democrats were on hand yesterday for a press conference to tout the utter failure of the Bush administration on all fronts and to disparage Republicans in general.
The old press establishment was enjoying the "give and take" of making statements bashing George Bush with the Democratic party establishment when the "disruption" occurred. Helen Thomas, czarina and lordess queen of the White House Press Corps since the Lincoln administration, where she advocated a separate peace with the South, had just finished her soliloquy on how George W Bush was the worst human being in the history of the world. The assembled Democrats were still applauding her statement when the alleged questioner, rumored to be a plant of the FOX news channel, had the temerity to ask "While it is very clear that you hate George Bush and Republicans, what solutions are you offering to the American people to successfully resolve the numerous challenges that face the country today?"
A stunned silence fell upon the press room as the assembled reportage and the Democratic politicians pondered the unusual question. Only the sound of Molly Ivins false teeth clattering to the floor, her mouth agape at the nerve of this person to ask such a question, disrupted the awkward and embarrassing silence. On the stage, Democratic leaders shuffled their feet uncomfortably or averted their eyes skyward. Harry "I can" Reid, Senate minority leader was seen with a Webster's dictionary frantically rifling through pages muttering under his breath S - O - L. Nancy "Bela" Pelosi with what we can only guess was a look of frustration on her permanently frozen, expressionless visage was hysterically signaling Senator Dick "the Pol Pot calling the American troops black" Durbin to do something. Dickless stood with palms upraised and shrugged shoulders mouthing the words "I don't know this word they speak of so - lou - shun? Hillary Clinton left the room.
After what seemed an eternity, Russ "he's so" Feingold, freshly returned from his anti-American tirade tour of the Middle East ran up and grabbed the mike "IMPEACH BUSH" screeched Senator Censure. Thus, the spell was broken as the media representatives leapt from their seats to give their beloved party leaders a thunderous round of applause. "He wewwy sowed dem," an ecstatic but toofwess Mowwy Iwins wemawked enfusiaticawwy.
The "reporter", obviously a right-wing nutbag, evangelical, country-club, anti-worker, conservative, polluting, nazi zealot was last seen being escorted from the room by DNC protocol officers Mr Guido and Mr Knuckles. The press conference broke up when the media, still applauding and cheering realized the Democrats had actually left the building. "Damn," complained American morning pixie Katie Couric, "here I am all flush with excitement and they leave without providing me a photo-op. You know all of America and most of the world loves to see me flush with excitement? Don't they? Well.....DON'T THEY?"
A pale and clearly shaken Hillary Clinton gave a personal interview after the press conference to her public relations staff at CBS, NBS, ABS and the other BS affiliates. "Obviously, the vast right-wing conspiracy is alive and well today. How dare someone ask us how we propose to solve America's problems."
Clinton attempted to give encouragement to her legion of zombified supporters, "We will get to the bottom of this so called question. I have ordered the FBI files on not just the questioner but all Republicans so we can start weeding out these bad seeds before they prevent me from earning my rightful post as dictat..,er, President"
Clinton aide, disgraced CBS news anchor Dan "are those documents real or are you just glad to see me" Rather indicated that Clinton was planning on introducing legislation that would make questioning Democrats about solutions to problems a hate crime. "After all, how hateful is it to ask for solutions from a group of people knowing that don't have any?".
The Democratic National Committee and Congressional Democrats were on hand yesterday for a press conference to tout the utter failure of the Bush administration on all fronts and to disparage Republicans in general.
The old press establishment was enjoying the "give and take" of making statements bashing George Bush with the Democratic party establishment when the "disruption" occurred. Helen Thomas, czarina and lordess queen of the White House Press Corps since the Lincoln administration, where she advocated a separate peace with the South, had just finished her soliloquy on how George W Bush was the worst human being in the history of the world. The assembled Democrats were still applauding her statement when the alleged questioner, rumored to be a plant of the FOX news channel, had the temerity to ask "While it is very clear that you hate George Bush and Republicans, what solutions are you offering to the American people to successfully resolve the numerous challenges that face the country today?"
A stunned silence fell upon the press room as the assembled reportage and the Democratic politicians pondered the unusual question. Only the sound of Molly Ivins false teeth clattering to the floor, her mouth agape at the nerve of this person to ask such a question, disrupted the awkward and embarrassing silence. On the stage, Democratic leaders shuffled their feet uncomfortably or averted their eyes skyward. Harry "I can" Reid, Senate minority leader was seen with a Webster's dictionary frantically rifling through pages muttering under his breath S - O - L. Nancy "Bela" Pelosi with what we can only guess was a look of frustration on her permanently frozen, expressionless visage was hysterically signaling Senator Dick "the Pol Pot calling the American troops black" Durbin to do something. Dickless stood with palms upraised and shrugged shoulders mouthing the words "I don't know this word they speak of so - lou - shun? Hillary Clinton left the room.
After what seemed an eternity, Russ "he's so" Feingold, freshly returned from his anti-American tirade tour of the Middle East ran up and grabbed the mike "IMPEACH BUSH" screeched Senator Censure. Thus, the spell was broken as the media representatives leapt from their seats to give their beloved party leaders a thunderous round of applause. "He wewwy sowed dem," an ecstatic but toofwess Mowwy Iwins wemawked enfusiaticawwy.
The "reporter", obviously a right-wing nutbag, evangelical, country-club, anti-worker, conservative, polluting, nazi zealot was last seen being escorted from the room by DNC protocol officers Mr Guido and Mr Knuckles. The press conference broke up when the media, still applauding and cheering realized the Democrats had actually left the building. "Damn," complained American morning pixie Katie Couric, "here I am all flush with excitement and they leave without providing me a photo-op. You know all of America and most of the world loves to see me flush with excitement? Don't they? Well.....DON'T THEY?"
A pale and clearly shaken Hillary Clinton gave a personal interview after the press conference to her public relations staff at CBS, NBS, ABS and the other BS affiliates. "Obviously, the vast right-wing conspiracy is alive and well today. How dare someone ask us how we propose to solve America's problems."
Clinton attempted to give encouragement to her legion of zombified supporters, "We will get to the bottom of this so called question. I have ordered the FBI files on not just the questioner but all Republicans so we can start weeding out these bad seeds before they prevent me from earning my rightful post as dictat..,er, President"
Clinton aide, disgraced CBS news anchor Dan "are those documents real or are you just glad to see me" Rather indicated that Clinton was planning on introducing legislation that would make questioning Democrats about solutions to problems a hate crime. "After all, how hateful is it to ask for solutions from a group of people knowing that don't have any?".
